NaNoWriMoWeUp3

Day Fifteen: 746. Just can't muster any more effort. I'm in such a bad habit at the minute with staying up all night watching YouTube videos and generally not sleeping, so by now I'm way too tired to reach my goal. Never mind, though. I'll get there.

Day Sixteen: 2,939. I'm happy to be writing at a more reasonable time today. Could be better, like, but there's tomorrow for that.
   Felt really bad about the fundamental quality of all that I've written so far, especially with respect to 'show don't tell', one of the most basic basics of writing. I've actually been scared when I think of how useless it all is.
   But I'm trying to stop such thoughts. Not only have there been some passages I'm proud of, but I could well be over-exaggerating the bad bits and, plus, there's the vital component of editing yet to come. I know I'm not great at editing, but this is a good chance to get going. No-one said this has to be a masterpiece. Come on! Enjoy!

Day Seventeen: 277. Started well-ish, y'know. Found myself an hour before the footy.
   But then a sneezing fit struck. Then I had a headache. Then the screen started making my eyes bounce. So I stopped.
   The footy was good entertainment, and thankfully a drama-free testament to humanity's resilience in the face of intolerance. Feel somehow guilty that England won, though...
   Then, I got so drunk that I had a hole in my memory and absolutely no hope of carrying on writing.

Day Eighteen: 0. I felt so shit that I didn't want to get out of bed, or even live, and I answered the question 'what's the point?' with 'NO!'.

Day Nineteen: 2,430. Climbing the mountain back to 'normality'. Not bad stuff. A bit 'all over the place' in places, but then some places had good parts.

Day Twenty: 534. I was very lucky to have a replenishing social engagement. Although it left me short on writing time, I penned some stuff on the bus on the way in, and even got an early bus back with the plan of doing more later. Alas, I was too tired by the time I got home, but I'm satisfied with the dedication there :-)

Day Twenty-One: Nice to get support from Aunty S who's been keeping up with the blog during this period :-)
   A light has flickered on that's probably about as strong as a candle on the Morecambe seafront, but since I'm recording it here, there'll be a reminder in the future. I've spent a lot of time worrying about how inferior this draft is and will be, but, though I've already touched on how it'll be good editing practice, it's also going to give me impetus to move even further [whether that's in terms of word count, re-forming or whatever], to really get to the end of a novel [because fifty-thousand words is an arbitrary aim, not necessarily a natural end]. Now I'm over half way, this thought is even more exciting than when I'd started it in the first place.
   Also, I've had more people asking about NaNoWriMo itself, its 'proper' aims and customs, so I'm going to address that briefly. Basically, I'd advise you to forget about the idea of the 'proper' way, because the best way is your way. I didn't sign up on NaNoWriMo.org, I'm not going to get a certificate of completion [which is, however controversially, a major focus for some of the people undertaking this challenge], but I am going to complete my purpose. My purpose for NaNoWriMo was to generate material, to experiment with application, to look at the possibility of spirit. I was never going to be bothered about being under fifty-thousand words, because even one-thousand would've been something I could either use directly, put in a drawer for later and/or learn from.
   So if you do have questions, first off ask yourself. What do you want? What do you think it's all about? What will the audience [however futuristic] think?
   Peace, love and light, folks!

Again, PLEASE

Human
 umans
  manity

Bret Easton Ellis' American Psycho

I’m probably not saying anything here that other critics (i use the term loosely in my case) haven’t said elsewhere, but here goes… I’ve wanted to review American Psycho for a while, but for some reason haven’t got round to it – now is the time. It's the story of a businessman and psychopath called Patrick Bateman. I probably read it about three or four years ago and, although it wasn’t always the 'most readable' book, it was always gripping enough and 'true literature' in the sense of the risks it takes, coupled with great technique. I’m not going to go into a full review here, i just want to talk about a couple of things i still think of, even after all this time.

            Number one is the structure of the thing, i.e. the chapters and passages. It seems so blunt, so textbook, to break up plot with the dense, extended descriptions of products and consumables, but also so absolutely natural in context. It makes one feel tense (especially as the more ‘gritty stuff’ kicks in, around the ‘Dry Cleaners’ chapter), as it’s like a closed door against overtly compelling material. We can hear sounds coming from behind it, but it’s not going to open until we read through.

            Of course these chapters serve another vital function, which is the satire of the yuppie culture in the late eighties and early nineties. Such a long reflection on, say, Whitney Houston’s albums, and to an even greater extent the model of hi-fi they are played on, neatly encapsulates the terror of capitalism (as it is today, at least) and the reaction to it. ‘Adverts’ are a way of keeping people fearful, making them feel afraid and ill-equipped in the world. How can ‘citizens’ take control? By spending money! But to spend it you gotta make it etc etc… I don’t want to get too political here, but Bateman seems to represent some sort of microcosm of the world. To me he’s an exaggerated response of insecure masculinity – ‘I have it all, I have the best, I know what I’m talking about, I’m in control’.

The main criticism of these passages is that they’re “boring,” but that’s the point in a way, nor would they work if they were ‘interesting’. They represent the quiet delirium of modern madness where consumerism, seemingly benignly, replaces ‘normal human function’ i.e. love. In terms of narrative it’s like a sweater thread being pulled at, i suppose; the process itself is slow and uninteresting, but it’s what the process eventually reveals that makes it more than worthwhile.

So these chapters both split up the narrative and make the whole novel more cohesive in terms of thematic content. ‘Boring’ just doesn’t add up here.

Second, i just wanted to talk about the much famed ‘gruesome bits’. I felt like a changed person after reading them: a genuine (if mild) post-traumatic discomfort. It lasted weeks. It coloured my thoughts for a while, not necessarily with fear but not necessarily with hatred either. Come to think of it, i’m not sure what i thought. I think mainly there was a kind of emptiness, a more visceral cynicism or something.

But hey, it passed. I was back to the ‘normal functioning’ human being that i am soon enough. Sure i’m weak, but i’ve got to say that you need an iron stomach and a heart of ice to not feel at least a little off-kilter after reading this. I don’t want to put you off, that’s the thing. This is brave literature at its peak, you have to have a deal of commitment to read it that you wouldn’t, say, with Dan Brown…

How the hell am i going to close this? Well i’m glad i read it. From a writer’s perspective it made me more comfortable with taking on whatever’s necessary and treating it more like clay: a material – not something with inherent moral certitudes. As a reader it certainly challenged my idea of ‘readable’. I felt such shifts in ‘comfortability’ with the writing matter that i have never since come close to. But it wasn’t mere sensationalism. Despite it being far from a didactic  narrative, i’ve learnt things. Maybe about how human humanity is, maybe about how human i am. Whatever it is, it's palpable.

Peace and love x

New Year's-y things

I know this is a stale topic by now, but never let it be said that Blogtastic is afraid of taking on old and boring topics. I've been reading a couple of blogs (mainly this one and this one), and of course the usual social network chatter, that have been talking about New Year's resolutions. I'm one of those self-analysing types, and for me it's not unusual to regularly assess things I want to change, usually by drawing up a list. I don't wait for any special occasion, I just do it as soon as. If something's worth doing, why wait to set it in motion?

That being said, there's nothing wrong with using this traditionally allocated time to take a look at yourself. If it works for you then that's groovy. When reading what other people had said, it made me re-evaluate certain things and I'm already making changes.

Some of them are quite cliched, such as losing weight, exercising more, maybe drinking less alcohol - all pointed out on this facile and not very funny Guardian article. There's some that aren't so bad; push myself further with uni and my writing in general (in fact I've started a daily journal. It's going to help me write more and be more introspective), but also I'd like to get out more, not just to readings but also back into sport since my body might be ready for it soon. I need to engage more with other writers and even other creative areas hopefully. Sleeping better is a must too - so I can make the most of each day rather than lounging in bed because I was up watching Snow, Sex and Suspicious Parents the night before. It'd also be nice to let go of self-love, but that's a long-ass project. It's all kind of general, but it's the mindset that counts in these things. Being happy and positive is the best way to move forward and not just wanting something but knowing when you're ready to change.

One thing I don't hear people saying is things they want to keep the same. You need a stable base to move from if you want to go places. Yes it's hard to give yourself praise, I find it strange that me of all people is about to advocate it, but sometimes you're the only friend you've got. You can't always rely on others, so being unkind to yourself could remove the only support you're gonna get. Things I'm happy with include my reading (I'm doing plenty of it, wide-ranging stuff and, above all, enjoying it), my beard and, mostly, how little time I'm wasting gaming and the like.

It might not be much, but it's something.

So, to wrap up this little ramble, I'd say don't get uptight about making New Year's resolutions. I'd recommend that you make some resolutions at some point, if you want to change things. Do it whenever, and if a bandwagon helps you get where you want to be, jump on and don't worry. Maybe things are perfect for you, if so then all power to you. To those that are in the market for a big steaming mug of adjustment, good luck!

Peace and love x

Follow Up (And Not In Any Other Direction)

So here are a few peeps who have done the whole new year blog thing pretty darn well.

First up is Lisa Holdsworth from Deadlines and Diamonds. Though predominantly about screenwriting, it is useful for any writers and, to an extent, civilians too. The humour is brilliant, but so is the insight into the industry and its people-satellites. Enjoy! http://deadlinesanddiamonds.blogspot.co.uk/2013/01/10-new-years-resolutions-that-every.html?showComment=1357657929516

Next is a very lovely man-friend of mine Jordan. Ever the self-depricatist, his post is a very honest and yet ultimately uplifting one. It certainly gave me a lot to think about (especially the notion of writing stamina), and I hope it does for you too. Oh and don't worry about the title by the way, it has nothing to do with Fifty Shades of Grey. http://heathenutterances.blogspot.co.uk/2013/01/discipline-and-whips.html

This is a bit of a departure, but at least it mentions new year so don't shoot the blogger... http://volcanicensemble.blogspot.co.uk/2012/12/years-later-she-still-wondered-why-she.html

On a side note, really excited for a new North Western poetry anthology coming out called Sculpted. It'll be important and no doubt challenging too, no link to it and no picture because that's not working on blogger at the mo...

Also something you might want to check out is Stream Universe, a selection of free and legal films, documentaries etc all selected to inspire and enthuse artists and art lovers.

Peace out.