This Should Be A Happy Day

You're probably too young to remember, but I can recall the day when the launch of a new YouTube channel and its videos was a glorious thing, greeted with tumultuous applause, a veritable orgasm of emotional outpouring. Officials from the towns and cities would break a bottle of special reserve Champagne over the channel title - drips and drops of the drink dribbling down onto the sidebars and the videos themselves - and they'd have, oh, at least three cheers, but sometimes more. Maybe that was more a regional thing... My point is that they used to love it. Oh, yes, telegrams were sent, guns fired into the air, bunting put up, flags waved, you get the picture.

As the years passed, though, there were warning signs. Some of the officials that came to cut the tape and Champerschristen the budding vlog saplings started turning up late to the launches. Some of them yawned. Some of them, in remarkable displays of disrespect, drank the Champagne and smashed the empty bottle over the channel. All of a sudden, the police were "too overstretched" to clamp down on such breaches, and, little by little, our fine, upstanding traditions were whittled down to the attendance of a few die-hard fans, who might still bring a party-popper or two along, just to try and hark back to the grandeur of those halcyon days. Which brings us to

TODAY. You are now more likely to be punched in the nose, shot, or blacklisted from your local Screwfix for daring to impugn the sovereign nature of the internet with a new, upstart channel. Such besmirchments are clamped down on with a kind of 'negative vigour' that is the direct opposite of the joyous exulatations we used to see in support. 'Those were days', says this writer in a grim and ultimately pointless muttering into the void.

This writer is also launching his own channel. There's a video, anyway. Come what may, here it is:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=54IJdgWlM8A

Bong Joon Ho's 'Parasite' [SPOILERS ABOUND]

Last night I saw Bong Joon Ho's Parasite (or Gisaengchung, as I'm reliably informed it is in Korean). We all know it's done well in the BAFTAs, Oscars, and whatever else... I'd heard some people saying it was amazing, some people saying it was overhyped, but I went along with very realistic expectations (unusual for me...). I was just happy to go see a film, frankly, and, although I'd seen a few clips, I was pretty clean of influence, and could just take everything for what it was. I enjoyed it very much, and thought that it was a fairly potent exploration of class issues, about as political as you can get while still getting mainstream release. It was such a mix of elements, my review is just going to be a cascade of impressions, but hey... And watch out for those spoilers - they're sprinkled throughout these
musings.

There was lots of humour. Some of it slapstick, some of it farcical, some of it dark, some of it satirical - so in a couple of parts I laughed out loud, other bits I was sadlyamused because a mirror was held up to the absurdity of human life (I completely see it as universal, and relatable, although some people I've spoken to reckon it's 'very South Korean'), and sometimes I smiled because of the film creativity. Some bits were so on the nose, I thought 'are they really doing that, like this' - but I'm not saying it was bad writing - for me it often created a dream-like quality, hyper-real oddness. Or something... I suppose a good example of what I mean is one of the pivotal scenes where Kim Ki-taek (our protagonist family's head) stabs Mr Park (the film's rich family man and owner of the house that the Kims infiltrate) because he compains of 'that smell' (the smell of lower class people) again - it's too much, but, in that instance at least, it's a release of the tensions that have been building up.

One thing I really liked (which I've noticed in most of the 'Asian literature' (I'm not saying there's an all-encompassing idea of what that is, I just mean the literature from Asia that I've read. Which isn't masses, admittedly) that I've read) is the way that there were points of repetition, references to certain 'essences', which served as exposition, story beats (sort of like act markers), thematic reinforcement... maybe other things, too. These act as structural points - like bones - that the muscles and skin hang on, they give it a proper roundedness, but it didn't feel like a standard 'three act' film like I'm used to seeing. One of the most important repetitions was 'the smell' - many references are made to the smell of the Kim family, a perceptible but tantalisingly indefinable malodorousness that comes from the 'semi-bunker' that they live in, which, like public transport use, indicates that they are of lower class than the Parks. As I've just mentioned, the smell reference culminates in a narrative flash-point, which to me felt satisfying, and led to a moment of character clarity, where they realise what's important in life (as I feel little things can do in life. Not all epiphanies come from god, they come from the turning over of small stones).
There's a slight fixation on peaches. I love this in many ways; fruit, forbidden fruit, fresh food as luxury, symbols of wealth, Adam and Eve's apple, the idea that the housekeeper Moon-Gwang becomes ill because of fresh fruit is kind of an irony - it should be a healthy aspiration, but she's allergic - sweet supple sex... It's like a meditation, a haiku, boiling things down to a pregnant image...
I also like the use of what's known as a 'scholar stone' that is introduced by an antagonist in the beginning (this does act as a pretty blatant narrative arc marker), which is said to bring material wealth (no possibility of defining 'wealth' as 'love' or 'family' - this is material wealth only). It features almost a little clunkily (there's the line where Ki-woo is asked why he's carrying the stone around with him, and he says, "It's clinging to me," which is an obvious way of showing how greed messes us up. But I liked how it features in the false ending - he puts the stone in a river, and is part of a happy scene, the implication being that he has shared the wealth, 'planted a tree, the shade of which he'll never feel' - there was something very feng shui about that), but it's a visual media, after all, and I thought it was reasonable overall. Also it's notable for its playful quality, the flirting with the idea of the supernatural, as if the rock's really magical.
Last thing I'll mention in this vein is daddy Park's fixation on 'crossing the line'. I love this as an element of character exposition and managing audience expectations. Reminds me of mob characters - like Johnny Caspar - who are obsessed with appearing/behaving a certain way, and (like Ki-taek says at the end about plans made are plans doomed), only find it their undoing. So Park's faith in people's respect for 'the line' (i.e. not going too far in any given situation) sets him up to be disappointed, because inevitably people let him down - indeed, the more faith you have, the more you bring betrayal on (?) (although, actually his driver Yoon never does cross the line, it is the Kim family who are aware, through their willful lying, of where the lines lie, and are in that sense constantly operating beyond them, but from Park's point of view,  Ki-taek, like a dog who breaks his lead, shoots across the line in dramatic fashion). These are classic ingredients in painting his picture, but Joon Ho handles them so well, and it felt refreshing to me.

There's sort-of horror elements I really enjoyed, too; all the sneaking around, the darkness, the bloody heads... Again there's a sort of flirting with the supernatural, when the young 'prince' of the family - Da-song - is worried about seeing another ghost, and we are shown a recreation of the haunting, as if it was a real event. It's a pleasing way of examining what makes us human, because you see people how they are when they're relaxed, and when they're in stressful situations.

Then, in the sense of shooting, there were a lot of stairs/levels shots. Some of the pre-watch media I'd consumed had said something about the importance of 'levels' in Parasite for its class commentary. I tried to pick up on some discernible instances of 'this is this, that subverts that', but I was too busy concentrating on the thing as a whole for that. Obviously you have a man (Geun-se) hidden in a bunker, institutionalised to the point of not wanting to leave his restrictive environment - because he's comfortable - despite the fact that he has an awfully menial and repetitive task to do (switching lights on and off for the family above, who he can't even see, only hear). He believes is an adequate way of expressing himself, but in reality the target of his reverence is unaware of his existence. This reminded me of our zero-hours culture in a meaningful way, but anyway, my point is that all uber-wealth and top class levels are always built on the crippled backs of others (and I'm not talking about fictional 'utopias'. I look at Lancaster - a city nearby to where I live - which, sure, acknowledges its part in the triangular trade, but still the town hall stands, and still the slaves' lives that were used to make it were wasted...

The ending was just at the border of credibility, for me. It was always going to be a hard narrative to end satisfactorily, because of how the strands all screw downwards, but it just managed to make it feel natural to itself. There is one ending that is magic, everything turns out well without any explanation - but this turns out to be a false ending, and the happy ending is (only potentially) yet to happen. So our hope that things can get better are deferred and we realise that the message is true to life once more - things are bleak, and we're going to have to work and change if we want that to be different. In this sense, one could go on at (further) length examining allegories within the film (the 'prince' thing I alluded to earlier, the strange invocation of war general's tactics in the setting out of garden furniture...), but that's it for me. Joon Ho said he wanted people to talk over the ideas they had while watching his film, and he's certainly provoked that reaction with me and the friends I saw Parasite with.

In fact, as we left the cinema, we chatted into the night. Storm Dennis was still pelting the streets, and big puddles were formed everywhere. People would have been worried about the river flooding again. As I walked to my friend's car, we passed a homeless person in the doorway of a greetings card shop. They were wrapped up in a brown sleeping bag, facing away from the street. Our talk of the film momentarily hushed. We were being careful not to wake the sleeper, or we were ashamed to be discussing the artistic merits of a film about class disparity, going back to our warm houses while this poor fucker had nothing except a sleeping bag and a doorway. And who knows what the rest of the night brought them. The rest of life...

And then I was home. I switched on the lights, locked the doors, took my big coat off, poured a drink, sat down on a comfy sofa, turned on my laptop, and started to write this.

Here is a link to the homeless charity Shelter - please donate if you can: https://england.shelter.org.uk/donate?reserved_appeal_code=20190401-DF-10&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIyKaM2P7e5wIVSrDtCh1sVQG-EAAYASAAEgLEtPD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds 

The Way to a Film's Launch

The Way to a Man's Heart poster, courtesy of LBP Productions
https://lbpproductions.com/2019/02/03/the-way-to-a-mans-heart-poster/

Brilliant news! From LBP Productions comes a darkly humourous short film - The Way to a Man’s Heart - based on a short story written by yours truly. I am immensely proud of director Lewis, and his team’s, hard work in scripting, filming, acting, and editing this gem, and think it's a lovely interpretation of the original material. You can, and should, check out the film HERE, and keep up with more LBP Productions news HERE.

 

*** RIGHT, FROM HEREON OUT THERE BE SPOILERS(!) ***

In honour of the film’s recent release, I thought I’d say a little bit about the source material - my story, also called ‘The Way to a Man’s Heart’ - and where that came from. Sometime in 2015, I was watching a documentary about Stephen Fry’s travels around central America in a yellow school bus. He was visiting a prison in Honduras - ‘murder capital of the world’ - where he spoke to a woman who’d had something like seven husbands, who she’d killed and had either eaten, sold as meat, or both. It struck Stephen that she seemed really ‘normal’ to speak to, and it struck me that still, today, there are humans who, for whatever reason, are pulled toward modes of behaviour that seem too ‘evil’ to be real - like the whole Sweeney Todd legend, for example, but it does go on.

Around the same time as this, a dear aunt of mine told me about a short fiction competition I might like to enter - the Mogford Prize for Food and Drink Writing - which has food and/or drink as its theme, the clue being the title... These two things swam around in my head, and soon coalesced as this thing about a strained relationship being, initially, ‘healed’ by a lovingly-made meal. It’s true that good company and nourishment can improve our mood, but I was intrigued by an almost supernatural angle - inspired in part by the Roman idea that you absorb the characteristics of animals you eat - and I think the first draft came pretty easily. Certainly the dinner scene was the focal point of my efforts, and was a kind of fun to write. I had a lot of polishing to do, though. My word count needed reducing to fit the rules of the competition anyway, and I had a lot of self-indulgent motifery to cut, along with the usual concerns of good writing (no clichés, adverbs, or silly grammatical over-complications, make sure speech is natural, etc, etc), but I took the job as seriously as I ever have, I think.

Around this time, I sent the story out to volunteer friends to proof read, and let me know their thoughts (thank you all, again!). Lewis was one who, happily, obliged. We’d studied at Edge Hill together and shared certain lessons in scriptwriting. I particularly remember one time when we were having a conversation about some of the weird things we have to research for our work, including, for those whose stories involve a bit more gore, how long it would normally take a human to bleed to death from various wounds. Writers, eh? Anyway, we had remained writing compadres, keeping up on each other’s news, and passing along bits to read now and again - as it was with this project.

After reading it, and giving me some feedback, I eventually had my final draft, which was duly dispatched to the Mogford Prize in March 2016. I don’t remember the timeline after this, but there was a moment where interest was expressed in making ‘The Way to a Man’s Heart’ a film (later in the same year?). Being a good friend, and someone whose writing and positivity I admire, I sold Lewis the rights for a knock-down, virtually nominal fee of one million quid - which I have since invested in local public house projects.

We liaised on it from scripting to casting, and he listened to what I had to say with regards to how certain edits panned out, but honestly, all my input could genuinely be summed up in the ‘brilliant work, keep going’ kind of vein, because that’s how it was, nothing else was needed. As for the story of the filming itself, you’d really have to ask Lewis what the craic was - although he has put some lovely set pictures up on his site, so we can look behind the scenes in that respect. Again, all I can say is how high quality the end result is, in all respects, and, simply, I enjoyed watching it. I hope Lewis and his colleagues gain lots of deserved recognition for their work, and that they keep feeling inspired and energetic, thus producing many more fine pieces like this. 

         And just so you know, ‘The Way to a Man’s Heart’ did not win the Mogford Prize. I know, I know, the judges are absolutely blind, and I was totally the best by a million clear miles. Yes, yes, must’ve been favouritism. A conspiracy, you say? Oh, I don’t know if I’d go that far. But now you mention it… Anyway, now that the boos have died down, I can say that none of that matters, really, because I feel like I’ve won a much more valuable prize in seeing Lewis’ vision come wonderfully to life. It’s a prize you too can view, and that link, again, is thus: https://lbpproductions.com/2019/09/13/the-way-to-a-mans-heart/

Peace, love, and light, folks!

Other Room Anthology Nine Out Now!

From right to left, then up a bit; The Other Room Anthology Nine, which is out now to buy, Derek Beaulieu's 'Helvetica', which provided a most illuminating guide to Juxtavoices' first piece, and lastly a wee pot of bubbles, naturally in Anti-Choir Purple.

OUT NOW is The Other Room's Ninth Anthology. As with the reading that led to my inclusion in this fine book, I'm incredibly lucky, honoured and privileged to be alongside such great names in an institution I've been passionate about for a long time, and I'm really happy. I hope you enjoy it yourselves. I know I couldn't wait to get reading it, so opened it on the train back from the launch event in Manchester last Wednesday. I'm loving it so far!

It was a great event that saw a couple of Juxtavoices performances (I've had one of their CDs for a long time, but to see them live was a real treat. They brought tears of laughter out of some of the audience), a fantastically humorous, well-worked and working piece (in the sense that it worked the listener, or me at least) from Erkembode, and some provoking pieces from William Rowe. All in all, very enjoyable and, as I always find with The Other Room, I felt a glorious sense of empowerment afterwards. Seeing amazing poetic talent in action (and getting to speak to other outstanding artists in between) fills you full of spirit and energy, and also manages to inspire and tell the internal censor to go away somehow.

So yeah, YOU CAN BUY YOUR COPY HERE. All that's left is to say thank you to the organisers - Scott, Tom and James - for their kindness, thanks to Sarah and Sam, who were pleasures to perform alongside, thanks to everyone else in the anthology that I'm enjoying, and basically to anyone who's been supportive along the way, which includes the audience blowing a 'twenty-one bubble salute' for the anthologised poets during the launch.

By the way, here's a link to the vids from the night I performed 'Europe' in Manchester, which is one of the poems included in the anthology: https://otherroom.org/videos/or-61-sam-riviere-sarah-kelly-martin-palmer-videos/

Thanks :D

A huge thank you to everyone who has donated to my 'Sober for October' page, to everyone who has supported me with kind words and to everyone who has read this blog and followed what I've been up to. The £500 target I set my sights on was hit yesterday evening, and then I added up all the money I'd saved buying non-alcoholic drinks [not as much as you'd think! The alternatives aren't very cheap, unless you're happy with water] and donated that, so it's a decent amount.

I've said elsewhere that apparently it costs about £25 to provide an hour of a Macmillan nurse's time, so there's nearly a day of help that your money has bought. The JustGiving site also says that some money rolls in after the event is over, so hopefully there's even more to come.


What next, then? Well 'tis the time for novel writing for many, as NaNoWriMo kicks off again. I tried it for the first time last year and haven't really looked at it since (think about it regularly, but ain't done nuffink), so I think I'll try doing NaNoWoMo (National Novel Working Month), where the aim is to work hard at making those 50,000 words into something more novel-like (that should involve a lot more writing first, before I even get to the stage of editing), so we'll see how that goes.


I've many other projects and blogs that are queuing up for attention too, so hopefully I'll crack on with them in good time. Also; just found out I've not had work published at one place, but have recently submitted to another, I have other opportunities to pursue, other readings to attend, other things to read, other quizzes to take part in blah blah... There's plenty to think about, none of it necessarily involving sobriety, so, yeah... Hopefully some productive times ahead [he says, as the fates throw their dice].

This has turned into a thoroughly self-indulgent post, so I'd like to bring it back to its original message and end by saying, once again:


THANK YOU!


That link again, for any straggling donations [all welcome!]: https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/Martin-Palmer5

I Know Nothing Good Ever Comes of Thinking, But...

I'm so close to my target now! Just another push or two, please! https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/Martin-Palmer5

I was just thinking back to Friday and how much I really really really wanted a drink [I'm fine now, by the way. Feel ok, and yesterday I happily watched a frantic Liverpool game with only my Beck's Blue [and a pie... But no-one needs to know about that...]]. I had even considered, for a semi-second, buying a Golden Ticket. For those of you that don't want to click on the link I've just provided, Macmillan's Golden Ticket involves buying time off being off the booze for a minimum donation of £15. Isn't that a great idea? What a great way to raise that little bit extra! How innovative, proactive and flexible!

Guess what. I don't like it.

I was going to write a different post [posts, in fact] on why I was opposed to the 'Sober for October' campaign, but this is a good opportunity to hopefully do it more succinctly. I only decided [a couple of days before the event] to do it purely because I wanted to do something in memory of mum, but even that didn't erase the rankling annoyances that had built up.

Golden Tickets are obviously a bit of a cop-out. If you've decided to do a challenge, then surely you want to be honourable and complete it, I mean, if you've decided to embark on this process, what exactly would be the situation where you have to have that drink? A friend's birthday party? If they're a friend, I'm sure they'll understand what you're doing and why, so I think you can manage. A funeral? Well, yes, grief obviously affects us all differently, and if someone wanted to reach for a drink in a tough time I'd empathise, but it would be hoped that the participant would be able to see that this month is an opportunity to not do that, to see how you fare on rough seas without the rum tot. I've been reading a few articles about the links between sleep, depression and drink, and I'm finding it intriguing how I feel I'm doing in this sober month [given that I have a problem with depression and sleeping at the best of times]. First date nerves? Nah, use the campaign as a point of conversation, maybe big up your resilience and maturity, if that's your bag. So, admittedly without thinking too deeply, I can't come up with a good excuse for using the Golden Ticket. I'm not judging individual choices here, by the way, just remarking that the inclusion of a Golden Ticket could be an enabling/will-power eroding possibility dangled in front of innocent people who want to do some good shiz.

It's the charity itself I accuse of hypocrisy. So much was said in the TV campaigns of the health benefits, and of the idea of 'superheroism' - which I would argue [no scholarly opinions here] includes a pure idealism, something beyond reproach [not saying it's realistic, just that's my interpretation]. But, in sanctioning a frivolous short-term dismissal of the responsibilities of the challenge, Macmillan cannot be taken seriously regarding their concern over your health. I feel they guilt-tripped the public in their TV adverts, focussing on hangovers, as if one can't drink in moderation, saying that they are so unhealthy and childishly exaggerating their effects, how you can't be a functioning human being when you have one. All this chatter, but then an option to indulge again - for a price.

The ads and relating material [take this 'tick off planner' that I've been using, along with some of the blurb in the online shop] also try to encourage people's arrogance. There was a lot of "show your pride" sentiment which, quite frankly, baffles me. It goes against the ideals of heroism because a hero does good things because it is a good thing to do, not for reward, be it financial or otherwise. Pride, and especially the bragging that may come with it, go against this sentiment because they muddy the pure motives that are what heroism is all about.

Even without such an over the top elevation of participants, I think the whole idea of "showing off" that you're trying to help charity is distasteful. Why didn't they phrase it a different way, you know, 'raise awareness' rather than 'be an obnoxious nob'. The whole campaign reeked of tweeness, and, ugh, only by concentrating on my motives can I think about getting through it. I did like the focus on a brighter future in the longer TV ad, but it's silly to think that a month off the sauce is going to solve your life's problems. If alcohol was getting in the way that much, then you need to think about giving it up for good, not just a month.


Anyway, I'm going to stop this. I shouldn't take their advert so seriously, and should focus on the fact it's helped them make more money. I will just point out, though, that this isn't the first time their methods have been called into question: http://www.thedrum.com/news/2016/09/04/macmillan-s-brave-shave-campaign-comes-under-fire


Bye!

Edited 31.10.2016 to not sound as s**t.

Over Half Way

Ticking off the days.

You say you want a revolution we-ell you know, this link isn't going to help you achieve one. It will give you the chance to do some good, though: https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/Martin-Palmer5

Wellity wellity wellity [stop that], I'm over half way through the Sober For October challenge. Apart from a lot of complaining, some persistent withdrawal symptoms and a boredom issue, it's gone alright so far. I would almost say I'm enjoying it, but not quite.

I'm in a weird situation with my daily blogging ritual. There's a tension between trying to update you with things that [I think] are noteworthy about my personal experience of the month and also trying to make it not about me with more general musings on the concept of it, then even more removed information about alcohol and the culture of drinking. I find it hard to avoid making reference to such a milestone, though, and I'd like the chance to gather some thoughts [such as they are].

I was about to be downbeat, because donations reached such a sudden standstill. Since this is the first time I've done an online donation thing, I don't know what's 'normal', really, though this slackening of pace definitely doesn't feel promising. Anyway, as I said, that was before. Yesterday I had a couple of mateys of mine who wanted to make offline donations [which I've added to my JustGiving page already], and one of them gave me a really nice card to say well done and keep strong, so now this is a happy post.

I know in some ways what I'm doing isn't a massive thing, you know. It's not doing an ultra-marathon in a hot air balloon bunjee jump over a shark infested pond [or whatever the kids are into these days], but I can't deny that it means something to many people, and will do some good when Macmillan get the moolah. In that sense, it means a lot to me too. I've got the memory of my mum, the strength of my friends and family and the knowledge of a charity receiving help to drag me out of my usual cynicism surrounding the efficacy of things and into a positive frame of mind.

I was also talking the other day about how the mind reacts to sums of money in these instances. When £250 was all but reached in a few days, I was amazed. It's more than my weekly wage, and raised in much less time. After upping the target, though, it raised the anxiety that I wouldn't reach it. It became less about the reality of what the money 'means' and more about the process of pushing to reach the goal. I don't know if I'm explaining it very well, but there was a shift between the early overwhelming gratitude toward a sort of voracious attitude. I suppose it's more understandable considering I'm not going to see any of the money myself, so therefore I feel like it's a more qualitative attachment.

Well that's about as much sense as I'm going to make, I suppose...

Wine's what I've really been craving lately but, as always, you guys keep me ploughing the sober furrow. Thank you!

Peace, love and light x

Highlight

I've been getting a decent amount of traffic on this site recently (thank you to everyone who visits and reads :) ), so it seems like a good time to draw attention to another worthwhile cause. I'd like to highlight a family friend's page. You can read their story if you click on the link, and it really is educational. I was getting some updates in person from one of the family members, but I didn't have any conception of how harrowing the whole process has been this far.

Anyway, they're great guys, doing a great thing for a great charity. Doing a marathon knocks going sober for a month into a cocked hat, really, so please be generous.


I just think about how much of a rich, fulfilling life another person can have now, thanks to the intervention of the experts this charity supports. Peace, love and light, everybody.

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/Paul-Rossall1

Big News

Listen. I'm really sorry to tell you this, but I've got to come clean. I thought maybe I could sweep it under the rug and carry on as normal, but I can't. It's eating me up inside. I've got to tell tell you that I had a beer this evening. Don't worry, though, dear readers, it was only a ginger beer! HA HA HA! Don't say I didn't get you with that little hook, because I know I did!

Anyway, now we've had our little moment of hilarity, I'll get on with the normal stuff...

When I decided on a regular blogging schedule for my month off the booze, I thought I was mainly going to talk about the overall campaign, with a smattering of posts moaning about having clear heads, better sleep, more money left over and having less fun. So far, though (and yeah, I know it's only the third day...), I've focussed more on the experience of doing it. Since things are probably going to be the same in that respect until, I reckon, a couple of weeks in (where my thirst tends to get to me, based on previous times I've done this kind of thing), I want to move on from that. I hear there's only so much rubbish blog readers will put up with...

The actual big news today is that, thanks to donors' amazing generosity, my original target of £250 has been all but fulfilled already. Since I don't want anybody's feet being taken off any 'gases', I've doubled the aim. As I said in a recent update, to get near to £500 would probably make me speechless, so that's a good reason to give up some of your hard-earneds isn't it?

Anyway, that's it from me. I've just enjoyed a lovely reading at The Other Room, and, as soon as I can, I must go to bed before I fall over.
Want to donate? You can do so here: https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/Martin-Palmer5

Day One

Last request

Pictured is the last beer I'll have for a month. It was lovely. Floral and fruity hops zinged, it was cold and refreshing and OH MY GOD I'M THIRSTY AND I WANT A BEER!!! 

Nah, I'm alright really. I didn't force myself to 'make the most' of my 'last night' by getting really drunk, so I didn't wake up with a hangover this morning and things are just normal.

I have to say, this stint of abstinence does feel different to other ones though. Let me explain... I was watching Liverpool play today. I was in my local pub, in my shirt, everything was as it usually is when I go to watch football. Everything but the booze.

I genuinely enjoyed my two colas, I have to say [normally I find one pint is the limit for sickliness, but today I managed two no problem]. The problem was that the lights on the T-bars were shining brighter than usual, the pump clips were all singing their songs of taste temptation with great gusto and the medication I'm taking to reduce exaggeration continued to fail. I was looking at every lager, every ale, and wanting the bitter tingle of hops to sate me down to my core. Then I remembered that I couldn't. And it kept happening... I thought about toasting a Liverpool win with a whisky, but I couldn't. When I normally take a break from alcohol, I'm not troubled, but today I was.

Still, there are many positives. I had a lot of shopping to do after the game, and that wouldn't have gone so smoothly with four pints sloshing around inside me, so that was good. Saved a few pennies, of course [which I'll add up and put toward my JustGiving total at the month's end]. The main thing I want to point out, though, is how generous people have already been. £59.20 so far, and it's only day one! I'd like to say thanks to all the donors so far [I won't name them, in case that makes anyone feel uncomfortable. You know, for Sermon on the Mount reasons]. It cheered me up no end to see your generosity, and it gave me motivation to resist those delicious pints earlier - I won't let you down!

Peace out folks, and here's that link again: https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/Martin-Palmer5

Patrick Ness' Chaos Walking Trilogy

I read Patrick Ness' The Knife of Never Letting Go - the first book in the Chaos Walking Trilogy (for 'young adults'/children/teens) - a long time ago. I soon resolved to review it, but never really got round to it. Many different approaches competed in my head, but some time later an unexpected solution came along. I wrote an essay on it for university (essentially about the technical elements i'd learned from reading it) and thought that my concluding paragraph did a good job of highlighting what i found compelling about it. I hope you do too. If you fancy reading a better review, check out this friend of mine and all-round good bloke Neil's post. But here's mine anyway:

One could go into much detail in any examination of an author's work. There is always a lot to learn, whether it be things to take up or things to avoid in the future. In Ness' case, it seems to me there is no technique that would be considered detrimental to quality of writing. His strong characters are the first and most important step to making his narrative believable and, perhaps more important, enjoyable. Their language, not to mention the way it is represented by the author, help[s] to estrange us from our own world and make the invented one more alive. Language and form have both been inventively used to his ends, and so consistently in the novel's structure that the believability never wavers. His research, which we can see has provided much of the content of his work, has not so much made a lie from the truth as simply estranged the truth, and this strategy of awareness and reforming truth is the very beating heart of all artistic endeavour and something that, with Ness as an example, we can all learn from.

I realise that this is quite a dry style, and maybe as a 'pure reader' (i.e. you ain't been bitten by the writing tarantula) the writer-centric view may make my review boring. I hope not though.

That paragraph is just to do with the first book, though, and now i shall waffle a wee while about the rest of the trilogy (and beyond!). With each sequel book we get an extra narrative voice, which is great fun for the readers and presumably a massive, but hopefully satisfying, challenge for Ness to conquer. As you may expect, the scope of the novels grows also (i'll say it grows exponentially just so i get to use a big word...).

The first book is essentially anchored by two people running away from danger together. They don't leave each other's side, so the action is all mediated through one joint perspective (if that makes sense?). The second book, The Ask and the Answer, has two perspectives. You'll recognise them both from the previous novel, especially Todd, the main character. The third installment (what an ugly word :( ), Monsters of Men, grants us another, radically different viewpoint. It's worth reading them just to see how a good story can be told, and how it can progress and grow, but it's entertaining enough to not bother studying these structural elements.

The last thing i want to say is that Ness has written three short stories that accompany the novels, and they are fantastic in their own right. As vivid and as action-packed as you could hope for in stories ten times the length, they are just wonderful. I find it so enchanting that the author has such drive that he wanted to give more hints, more back story and generally more entertainment to fans of the series. There's hardly a bad word i can say about it all, honestly.

I'd certainly advise you to check them out. You may be like i was and saying 'that's not my type of thing' (i'm not a massive fan of science fiction in general), but yet i was surprised. A man as cynical as me can't even criticise books that aren't even in my favoured genre... Ness must be a genius.

Peace and love.

New Year's-y things

I know this is a stale topic by now, but never let it be said that Blogtastic is afraid of taking on old and boring topics. I've been reading a couple of blogs (mainly this one and this one), and of course the usual social network chatter, that have been talking about New Year's resolutions. I'm one of those self-analysing types, and for me it's not unusual to regularly assess things I want to change, usually by drawing up a list. I don't wait for any special occasion, I just do it as soon as. If something's worth doing, why wait to set it in motion?

That being said, there's nothing wrong with using this traditionally allocated time to take a look at yourself. If it works for you then that's groovy. When reading what other people had said, it made me re-evaluate certain things and I'm already making changes.

Some of them are quite cliched, such as losing weight, exercising more, maybe drinking less alcohol - all pointed out on this facile and not very funny Guardian article. There's some that aren't so bad; push myself further with uni and my writing in general (in fact I've started a daily journal. It's going to help me write more and be more introspective), but also I'd like to get out more, not just to readings but also back into sport since my body might be ready for it soon. I need to engage more with other writers and even other creative areas hopefully. Sleeping better is a must too - so I can make the most of each day rather than lounging in bed because I was up watching Snow, Sex and Suspicious Parents the night before. It'd also be nice to let go of self-love, but that's a long-ass project. It's all kind of general, but it's the mindset that counts in these things. Being happy and positive is the best way to move forward and not just wanting something but knowing when you're ready to change.

One thing I don't hear people saying is things they want to keep the same. You need a stable base to move from if you want to go places. Yes it's hard to give yourself praise, I find it strange that me of all people is about to advocate it, but sometimes you're the only friend you've got. You can't always rely on others, so being unkind to yourself could remove the only support you're gonna get. Things I'm happy with include my reading (I'm doing plenty of it, wide-ranging stuff and, above all, enjoying it), my beard and, mostly, how little time I'm wasting gaming and the like.

It might not be much, but it's something.

So, to wrap up this little ramble, I'd say don't get uptight about making New Year's resolutions. I'd recommend that you make some resolutions at some point, if you want to change things. Do it whenever, and if a bandwagon helps you get where you want to be, jump on and don't worry. Maybe things are perfect for you, if so then all power to you. To those that are in the market for a big steaming mug of adjustment, good luck!

Peace and love x

Goodbye AdSense!

I have just cancelled my Google AdSense account.

There have been questions relating to the integrity of a writer who lets his blog be used by others to advertise products and services.

Lately the question of why I'm writing has had some answers. For example, I get very concerned about how many page views I have, it sometimes borders on obsession. I think this is unhealthy - one doesn't write to have everybody read one's work. One writes to reach somebody a lot of the time, yes, but an obsession over statistics and magnitude is not cool. I'd rather let go of the quantitative nightmares and focus on the qualitative dream. Keep writing, worry whether it's any good or not, hope it reaches 'the right people' (usually receptive and thoughtful folk), but forget about how many.

Getting rid of AdSense, which has earned me just over three pounds (which I can't claim because it's under the threshold of sixty), is a way of keeping the blog about what it should be (and probably never has been!
) - quality. Letting go of as many numbers as possible is a way of getting rid of as many distractions as I can.

We can only hope that the blog improves because of this...

Thanks to DS for the motivation.

Hi Denise

A shout out to Mrs Denise Barr for her outstanding services to Blogtastic - liking and sharing my posts on the social medias. Your medal is in the post, and if it doesn't reach you it's definitely Royal Mail's fault...

Blogtastic salutes you and all of my other loyal supporters!

Al Alvarez - The Writer's Voice

I just finished reading Al Alvarez' The Writer's Voice. I thoroughly recommend it for writers (and to a lesser extent critics or art/literature historians), I really do. There's little excuse not to, a dolt like me could have easily finished it within a day and, despite it covering relatively complicated concepts, I understood it.

It was perfectly complementary to a number of titles I've read for my university course, whilst giving a fresh, dynamic and also further-reaching account of literary issues that are close to my heart. It was like a small cog in a machine, deceptive because of its size, but actually the thing that ties so much of the rest of the workings together. For example, Alvarez' talk about the relationship between physicality ('muscular processes') and mental exercise brought up a number of parallels with Haruki Murakami's What I Talk About When I Talk About Running. Similarly, the schism between public projection of an artist and the actual writer is one of many things that Margaret Atwood covers in Negotiating With the Dead: A Writer on Writing that Alvarez also writes about. None of the material is reproduced, however, it is all fresh and stimulating. Further to my comparison with Atwood, I felt a similar sense of positively-affirming revelation after completing both books, but Alvarez' was much shorter. Being short isn't the be all and end all, of course, I'm merely saying that his succinct style packed a hell of a wallop, but if you have the time to check out Negotiating With the Dead too, I think they could go hand in hand as ways of understanding who you are as a writer and where you want to go next.

There were so many things to take away from reading Alvarez. The first - and perhaps the most 'pertinent', given the book's title - is that the writer's voice is the most important thing. One can hone craft, read widely and take all the mind-expanding substances one wants, but ultimately voice is something that can't be bought, ingested, learned or consciously changed, yet it is the difference between hitting home with your audience and simply putting words down on a page (I think the way I've put it implies that even 'review-type material' can have an energetic and touching quality with a compelling voice. I think that's spot on). My only real problem with this text is that in the first section ('Finding a Voice'), Alvarez makes a distinction between 'voice' and 'style' and then seems to fail to keep the two distinct (at least for someone of my intelligence to easily discern).

Other wisdom conveyed is that this voice can't be rushed (exactly what I need to be hearing right now), it can become powerful late on in life when youthful exuberance (ha!) has long since faded. There are so many 'lessons' I'd love to share, but I want you to read the book rather than read this. Plus one of the founding tenets of this blog is to 'keep it short', and I'm already off track there... So the last thought I'll say I took from The Writer's Voice is the disruptive (if not destructive) influence of the study of (English) Literature on literary production. I've been a keen literary student (if not a gifted one) and had, until reading this book, thought that Literature could help me write, learning, as it were, from heroes of the written word. I realise how false this is, not in the least part due to how context and the evils of biography overtake the text in primary importance. 'x was addicted to drugs, so now this poem is all about addiction,' is an overly-reductive (hey, I'm not getting paid to go into detail here haha) but fairly-true thought that may go through a Literature student's mind that will 'unlock' certain 'meanings' from a piece of writing, but also lock up and obfuscate the true power of creation that is unfolding between their eyes. This looks like a good place to shamelessly link you to Billy Collins' 'Introduction to Poetry'. But yeah, there's so much more to take from this, give it a go.

Now a bit of arse-licking: Alvarez is covering a massive swathe of time, from Classical culture all the way up to the Beat generation. Despite being a prominent critic in his own right, he covers the WRITING side of things consistently. In his considered approach, there is no deviation or afterthought. Instead he covers social, political, historical and cultural detail with an almost abrupt style, getting across strongly his voice and hygienic prowess by not wasting a single word or engaging in an ounce of circumlocution (that's my job). Clinical is a fairly good word - though it risks connotationally excluding the warmth and 'engagingness' he exudes - because he reminds me of a doctor I recently spoke to. He was such a friendly chap, it seemed like I was talking to a mate I've known for years. He talked about medical issues that were beginning to get beyond me, but then rephrased them in a more accessible way so that I fully understood. The only difference between he and Mr Alvarez is that the latter was not present to actually ask, "Did you get that?" I'm sure he would do, though, given the chance.

With that, I shall stop myself from going on even further. All I want to convey to you is how important this book is in terms of drilling right to heart of the matter of not just why writing can be important but how. It's far from a 'how to' guide, but the sensible ones amongst you will be stirred like a hot coffee and feel those granules of instant coffee within you dissolve, making the beverage of yourself stronger and more resolute. It's a day's reading, if that, so get it and make the time to absorb it. Comment back, maybe, tell me what you thought.

Peace out, and remember that no matter how down you feel, tomorrow is a new day and the limitless possibilities that abound around us
must contain some positive outcomes.

Leon: The Professional

Sorry. I have been pretty lax in my writing lately. I know some of you will think that's good news but now I'm back (even if only for a moment) so ha!

Just want to take a few minutes of your time to talk about Luc Besson's film Leon, and recommend it most heartily. I'd heard it was about an assassin and, when coupling that with the moody red and black close-up picture of Leon's face on the front of the DVD case, I thought the film was going to be an uncompromisingly gritty, bloody action-fest. I was pleasantly surprised at the actuality. I have a heart of stone, as anyone who knows me can testify, but at the core of the story is a very touching partnership between Jean Reno's titular man and Natalie Portman's character Mathilda. She is orphaned and essentially has her life saved by the apparently emotionless killer, so you've got to feel the heart strings being tugged.

The guy doing the orphaning, by the way, is Gary Oldman, who gives another good performance amongst many as Stansfield, the psychotically-charged corrupt cop (this a link to one of his more iconic scenes. I'm including it to try and curry favour with the young popular modern kids). That's another thing, though the relationships in the film are engaging, the overall theme of the underdog against the establishment is absolutely timeless and resonant. Stansfield is a villain because of what he does, but also what he represents.

While I was watching it I did have the concern that some cliches might be evident. The first example is the montage of Leon about his residence, caring for his plant etc. It seemed like a bit of a lazy way to set up character in the 'status quo' part of the film. As usual I was just being picky and I have to admit that the scene did indeed make me feel for the main character and care what happens to him.

So the acting's good, the ideas are good, but also the elements of humour are well placed, some of the camera shots are pleasing and the writing is generally economic. It was just a bloody good film, it was a genuine shame it had to end I was enjoying being in their world so much.

All that's left for me is to say thanks to Nova (writer over at Le Cafe Du Jour) who recommended the film to me, and for me to tell you to go watch it: go watch it.

Laters!

A Big Thank You

Yes, that's right, a big thank you to everyone who has ever read my blog. I'm not quite the cold and heartless nincompoop that I always appear to be... Whether you've accidentally clicked on a link and curiosity got the better of you, or you regularly come here to check on a real-time mental breakdown, I appreciate it.

There is a bit of a serious side to this blog. I do, in amongst the 'random' stuff, like to share good books I've read, films I've watched. I've not been very successful in stimulating online discussion, but if I've made you think about something in a new way then that's good enough for me. I'd also like to think some of my posts have achieved their aim of giving ideas, advice (other people's!) and even reassurance to other writers out there. Maybe I've raised a laugh now and then. There's nothing much sweeter than making someone laugh in my book.

You may be wondering why I'm saying this now, but in January alone (which hasn't finished yet, unless I slept in a little more than usual this morning) I have just got over a thousand page views. I've been working pretty hard to get more material on here and circulate it more, so it feels good to have some stats to back up the graft (and, if I'm being egocentric, it proves that people like it ha).

All that's left is to say thanks again folks! I'm not going to promise anything, but one day there may be something worth reading on here...

It Was Like a Nice, Big, Warm Piss

It's been a long day. A real long day. There been technological mishaps, family arguments, late trains, penises trapped in zips, burnt toast etc. Been a lot of work too, but I think I've done alright.

My best hopes were realized with the MA session tonight though, there was great discussion, friendly faces and even a handout! I think I had some good points to raise too, it's just a shame that I am not as half as what I want good at telling people what opinions are in my head out loud to them to be honest, I think. But I don't think people could even notice that I was maybe not as eloquential as I could have been when I am talking good stuff about things that we were discussed about.

But yeah, being back at uni filled me good feelings. It was like taking a nice, big, warm piss (which incidentally empties you, but... but fills you up with... well, what I just said).