Sad 'First World' Truths

They don't call me Martin 'Two Bottles of Sparkling Wine Despite Having Nothing to Celebrate in Fact Quite the Opposite Because I'm Feeling Sad and Alone and Desperately Trying to Fill the Void with Something and Alcohol's to Hand and I Know it's Not Good for Me I'm Not Saying it is but What am I Going to do Wait Ages to See a Doctor Only to be Put on a Drug that Makes me Feel Worse When as an Insecure MAle I feel I can Handle the Problem a Little Better Myself Anyway' Palmer for nothing.

Some of the Songs I Like What Are About or Mention or Make Me Think of Drinking And That I'm Listening To Now With A Melancholy Ear Because I Cannot No Longer Empathise With The Narrator

I haven't checked any of the links in this post. They could, frankly, be anything, so watch out. I have, however, checked this link [https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/Martin-Palmer5], so click on it please!

I Like Beer - Tom T Hall [again...]
Born Slippy - Underworld
Her Majesty - The Beatles
Whiskey Do My Talkin' - Brooks and Dunn

Red Red Wine - UB40
Chumbawamba - Tubthumping

Champagne Supernova - Oasis
Too Drunk to Fuck - Dead Kennedys
Little Old Wine Drinker Me - Dean Martin
Tequila - Bad Manners
Happy Hour - The Housemartins
Bourbon from Heaven - Dean Martin
Lego Beer Song
Jackson - Johnny and June Carter Cash
Cigarettes and Alcohol - Oasis
One Scotch One Bourbon One Beer - Amos Milburn
Champagne Taste - Univore
It Was a Very Good Year - Frank Sinatra
FairyTale of New York - The Pogues and Kirsty McColl
The Letter That Johnny Walker Read - Asleep at the Wheel
I am a Cider Drinker - The Wurzels
Escape [The Pina Colada Song] - Rupert Holmes
Drunken Sailor [What Shall we do With the -] - Traditional
Poison - Alice Cooper
Alabama Song - The Doors
Drunk - Ed Sheeran
Bedsitter - Soft Cell
Drunk in Love - Beyonce
Purple Rain - Guns 'n' Roses
Just One More - George Jones
Rednecks, White Socks and Blue Ribbon Beer - Johnny Russell
Cold Turkey - John Lennon
Drunkard's Dream - Gene Parsons
Blue Suede Shoes - Elvis Presley
Who Shot Sam - George Jones
The Wild Side of Life - Hank Williams
There Stands the Glass - Webb Pierce
Song From the Bottom of a Well - Kevin Ayers
Dizzy Miss Lizzy - The Beatles
Doctor Robert - The Beatles
There is a Light That Never Goes Out - The Smiths
Opium of the People - Slipknot
Lilac Wine - Jeff Buckley
Heard it Through the Grape Vine - Marvin Gaye

Day One

Last request

Pictured is the last beer I'll have for a month. It was lovely. Floral and fruity hops zinged, it was cold and refreshing and OH MY GOD I'M THIRSTY AND I WANT A BEER!!! 

Nah, I'm alright really. I didn't force myself to 'make the most' of my 'last night' by getting really drunk, so I didn't wake up with a hangover this morning and things are just normal.

I have to say, this stint of abstinence does feel different to other ones though. Let me explain... I was watching Liverpool play today. I was in my local pub, in my shirt, everything was as it usually is when I go to watch football. Everything but the booze.

I genuinely enjoyed my two colas, I have to say [normally I find one pint is the limit for sickliness, but today I managed two no problem]. The problem was that the lights on the T-bars were shining brighter than usual, the pump clips were all singing their songs of taste temptation with great gusto and the medication I'm taking to reduce exaggeration continued to fail. I was looking at every lager, every ale, and wanting the bitter tingle of hops to sate me down to my core. Then I remembered that I couldn't. And it kept happening... I thought about toasting a Liverpool win with a whisky, but I couldn't. When I normally take a break from alcohol, I'm not troubled, but today I was.

Still, there are many positives. I had a lot of shopping to do after the game, and that wouldn't have gone so smoothly with four pints sloshing around inside me, so that was good. Saved a few pennies, of course [which I'll add up and put toward my JustGiving total at the month's end]. The main thing I want to point out, though, is how generous people have already been. £59.20 so far, and it's only day one! I'd like to say thanks to all the donors so far [I won't name them, in case that makes anyone feel uncomfortable. You know, for Sermon on the Mount reasons]. It cheered me up no end to see your generosity, and it gave me motivation to resist those delicious pints earlier - I won't let you down!

Peace out folks, and here's that link again: https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/Martin-Palmer5

Woop!

This actually happened a wee while back, but i just wanted to tell y'all that i finally got my name on the wall. The HashtagBeer wall, that is! I 'officially' feel part of it now.

I've been writing for HashtagBeer now since August 2013 and it has been lovely to share one of my greatest passions with the internettal community. Also it has been great to work with Paul, a true visionary in the field. He not only motivates me, but also inspires me.

May HashtagBeer reign always!

Peace and love x

Bad Times

Liverpool lost again yesterday. To Newcastle... 3-1. Bad times... I'm not gonna elaborate on that, that's all there is to say, it's in the past and we'll play much better next time...

Had an early Christmas with the housemates yesterday though, which was awesome. Plenty of food, drink and good company. Some of the simplest ingredients of a happy life.

One ingredient for an unhappy life is assignments. Trying to get through a 15-minute stage play currently and I'm about 2/3 of the way through... I'm not finding it easy...

Still, when you walk through a storm, you must hold your head up high and not be afraid of the dark. At the end of the storm is a golden sky and the sweet silver song of a lark (so it's well worth getting through the storm, believe me). Walk on through the wind, walk on through the rain even if your dreams are being tossed and blown.

Yeah anyways, enough of nicking song lyrics... This assignment ain't gonna do itself!
Byeee

Geordies are Awesome

So I'm moved in to the new house now and all is pretty well. There's only a couple of things lacking, i.e. internet and bill payments. Everyone is pretty cool in and around the abode: seems like the whole street is inhabited by nice people. Even my student loan is being sorted at last. Turns out someone thought it was groovy to put important and official-looking documents that weren't theirs into a cupboard under the stairs without telling me... Could be sitting on a grand or two now and living it up a bit more, but I'm content with what I got. I'm reet lucky and reet happy, so I ain't complaining or nothing.

Couldn't be happier with the local we have on Wigan Road. Pool, darts, quiz, cheap drinks, ok toilets, toasties and more, all at The Roper's Arms. It's definitely my kinda pub!

Meaning?

I was supposed to go to a sports awards dinner tonight. I'd paid £16 for the ticket, the transport was included, there was a buffet (and let us not forget I'm a hungry hungry student!) and entry into a nightclub afterwards. I didn't go. Decided at the last minute I couldn't be bothered. It's at least not like me to waste money, but hey. There are a few reasons but what's the point in telling you them? The brute fact is that I didn't go.

I got photos of the badminton team back today. We had team photos taken a while back, you know the ones where you stand in regimented rows with the best height symmetry available and hands nestled firmly in the lap. Bloody hilarious. I was beaming like an idiot on the 'serious one.' We also had a panoramic pic where players did a badminton movement (I chose a smash) and got digitally captured in mid swing or whatever. Some of the facial expressions there... Madonn'! I got so giddy that I started singing 'I See You Baby' (A Fat Boy Slim song) out the window at a mate of mine. He was so speechless that my giddiness increased exponentially.

Liverpool won tonight. 3-0 at Anfield against West Ham United. Benayoun, Ngog (yep, even bloody Ngog) and then an own goal by their goal keeper (forced by Kyrgiakos) made the scoreline so sublime, three thumbs up!

And I leave you with the news that it is terribly easy to get served alcohol on Spanish beaches. You can't go anywhere without seeing Sand Miguel

Oh and today's song, what be rattlin' around me 'eadspace, be Frederic Chopin's Piano Sonata Op.35 No.2

A Rather Large Aversion

It has been a while again. Been hard to muster up directed focus what with the glut of social activities presenting themselves most readily throughout the week. Loada pool being played, lotsa drink being imbibed and lotsa shit to chat. The news from the bar is that Amaretto tastes fantastic (a lot like marzipan).

Also in the week, badminton is back in session. Wasn't at me best for the first meeting, but it was encouraging to note that I still have some hand-eye coordination left. The second meeting... The play was fine, but some off-court words I had with someone has left me in doubt as to whether I should continue going there. I'm not going to go into detail, of course, but even if I raised the issue with the person in question or anyone else in the club, I would be the one that was ostracised, because person A (A for Asshole) has been there longer than I have. It was a real stab in the back though, but hey this isn't the time or the place.

On a lighter note, a stint in my halls' common room produced a two-hour workshop on booze related jokes. We started off with the premise of beer puns that had to be cringeworthy and, yeah, we did that for way too long! Here's a taster to finish:

What do you get if you throw a box of cutlery into a tornado?
Weatherspoons

Just Got Some Beer

And some cider, but the cider is for James, whose birthday twas on the 30th! God bless he.

Gonna be going out with him and some mates this fine night, though unfortunately we'll probs be heading to Toast, Lancaster's far-from-Premier nightclub... Its floors are stickier than the great tree-trunk tentacles of the Kraken. Its entry prices are steeper than the great galleon-grinding wave caused by the fiercest typhoon. Its clientele smell worse than the most fearsome and ancient Moby Dick (and that's after I cut it up for its blubber. Believe me that's an awful smell...). Its drinks taste fouler than the saltiest sea brine, even when the blood of yer shipmates has rolled across yer deck and mixed with that deep blue ocean. Its toilets... well... there's no comparison other than Davy Jones' Locker itself...

Slight bit of hyperbole there... Sure it's the crew that makes the fun, not the galleys ye frequent. Hopefully.

I Feel Pretty Warm

Hmm, a title that is just descriptive of how I'm feeling... Dunno if that works.

Anyways, it's been a while since the last blog. Been pretty busy and the internet not working didn't help so much. Hard to believe a whole week and a third of the holiday has gone already. Time is often like a handful of sand to me, the grains slipping quickly through my fingers. Of course, they obey the regular 9.81 m/s acceleration due to gravity, but it seems like they flee from me more quicklee.

Yeah... Been splashing some birthday cash on a bit of badminton gear (shorts and trainers) and other bits of clothing. Saw the Liverpool v Sunderland game (a fantastic 3-0 stuffing, involving lots of one-touch football, skillful control and sturdy defence. Torres' opener was a real magical and kinda phantom goal, truly one of a kind and absolutely breathtaking!) which provided some top class banter with the barman. A couple of badminton seshes with family and friends, both with plastic shuttlecocks much to my chagrin (what a word lol... 'Chagrin...'), which weren't stunning but there ye go. Last night I was out in Lancaster with many of me old buddies, put a fair few jars away and walked back home along the cycle path (my legs are stiffer than all hell I can tell ya: 2 days playing badminton, dancing around like an idiot in clubs and then a 4+ mile walk in the wee small hours...). So I've been having a great time really! Today was spent getting over the night before. I watched Measure for Measure (the BBC version) which wasn't exactly thrilling. A competent performance really... No ringing endorsement available.

Disappointed that the physicists messing around with the large hadron collider today didn't end the world, that would have solved a lot of problems... Speaking of which, a big shout out to Lily Asquith. You go girlfriend!

To round up: the song that's been stuck in me head today is 'My Girl' by The Temptations. Some lovely Motown class there. I'll leave you with the news that Steiber and Company are releasing a new range of vibrating fireplaces next week and they should be hitting shops here in the UK very soon.

Wow

That's really abismal... I know I've been following Liverpool for a fairly short time, but I've realised that this season is below their proper performance. This season, the one I've been able to follow most closely, has been sub-par, but I don't support Liverpool on the assumption they're gonna win. I support them coz I'm proud of 'em and I enjoy watching 'em. Tonight however, they could hardly get their passes right. They had the usual problems making chances up front, and fluffing certain opportunities presented nearer the goal line, but their normal passing was so poor that pressure couldn't be applied. Very sad to see... 1-0 to Wigan...

I look at football as a game, I don't look at it as just Liverpool FC. I know that judging a team on past performance is a fallacy because - just like ordinary life - sports people's careers have their ups and downs. It's disappointing when fans of other teams have a go because we weren't as good as we once were, but even Manchester United aren't perfect. They've fallen to Burnley (a side who've only been promoted to the Premier League this season) and Everton (who we've even managed to beat both times). My point is that you've got to have a sense of perspective. Liverpool are having problems, but they can't win prestigious trophies at the drop of a hat! Let fans enjoy their football and whatever happens to Liverpool, I'll be proud to support them. They could get relegated out of existence and I'll never support another team. Basically, let us not get bogged down in what used to be, or maybe even what will be. Let us enjoy what is, here and now. I take what I can from every match, like I do from every day life. Don't judge people on past happenings (like not all Germans have been Nazis, for example), but be perceptive to the immediate happenings.

That may have been a very deep message wrapped in a football, so, in case I'm getting out of my depth, I'll digress! My team may have lost, but I celebrated in life with some mates, and even made a couple of new ones. I almost forgot about the bad result until walking back! I always have deep conversations with this lad, loosely centring around the ego, and he was on form tonight. With that, I leave you with the mixture of Napolitan Italian dialect, but also the Spanish 'salud' meaning good health (as in a toast to...) x

(Pictured is my toast to you guys out there, "Salud!")

Carnage

With all the noise going on outside my window right now, I feel compelled to have another blog. A load of my mates are going to Carnage right now (if you look at www.carnageuk.com, it is described as "Quite simply the best student event ever"), and they've already had quite a bit to drink. I want to make it clear this isn't a big rant at Carnage. The organizers say that student safety is at the forefront of their minds, which is fair enough. I also know that the fact they've already been drinking hasn't been magically inspired by some event that's going on; it's their choice to get drunk when they want to and I've been drunk myself before, so even if I wanted to take the moral high ground I couldn't.
My point actually was going to just be a bit of a taste of what exactly is going on outside. We've got many variants of the chant "let's get f***ing w***ered" (look up 'LGFW' on www.urbandictionary.com if you are unsure as to what I'm talking about) being chanted, windows being rattled by knocking and people whapping out their lovelengths (though, in fairness, I only heard people saying that spam javelins had been unleashed, I didn't look for meself!).
So yeah, it's all kicking off, and that's before people have gone into town! Okay then, probably time to come clean, this is sort of a rant... Sorry to deceive you dear readers! Whenever I get past the point of tipsiness - at least after my 18th - it's always through knowing how I'm pacing myself and not taking it past the point of being able to hold my drink. In short, whether you end up spewing up or not, I think getting really well-oiled before going out to get more drink is not something I'd ever condone. I have pre-game beers before certain events: save a bit of money whilst you're there and maybe get a little more relaxed. Taking it to the really loud point where banging on people's windows and getting your little man out seem hilarious might possibly not be the most responsible thing...
This is where I kinda hope certain friends don't think I'm judging them personally, or I hope they don't read this post, OR I hope they can't remember what they did in the morning and don't know I'm talking about them! Still, if they had a problem with it, maybe they should look at their own regular sessions of excess instead of judging my relatively infrequent ones!
Anyone else been to a Carnage night out and is able to tell me how it went?