A Wee Poem

Urine my thoughts
wee treasure.
I wouldn't spill a drop of you
and neither would I hold you in.
I love you
you hot, gold beauty.

I Just Crapped Out My Consciousness

Sorry to be so scatological blog fans, but I felt today like I had defecated my consciousness. That is to say, I felt strangely unconscious while on the toilet and the only reasonable conclusion has been drawn thus.

Maybe my sanity has been excreted too...

I have spent a good few minutes now pretending to be a didgeridoo. Well, I didn't exactly go all stiff, wooden and cylindrical (no filth, please), but I was making the noises. It was liberating to say the least.

Then I decided I hate everything.

Now I just feel like I'm walking in a dream again...

Sorry to make such a 'me' heavy blog, I just... I... I don't know... I just thought something. Meh...

Resurgence

Howdy.

I've been having my usual doubts about this blog, how interesting it is, whether it's entertaining, whether it enhances peoples lives and, lastly, whether anyone actually reads the bloody thing (which I can pretty much say 'no' to). But anyways, during a talk by Suzanne Bell of the Liverpool Everyman theatre at uni, she happened to repeat the idea that you must only write about things that mean something to you, i.e. things you are passionate about. So now I'm thinking, 'hell yeah, I'm gonna write for me. I ain't gonna get myself bent out of shape at the cost of writing about the serious stuff in my head and heart.'

Toilet seats are getting on my nerves more and more these days. Now I ain't saying I have a huge penis (I genuinely don't, according to certain people, it's average), but it keeps touching/'rubbing against' the front of the toilet seat when I go for number twos. My poor spam javelin has to bathe in untold amounts of other people's germs, urine, maybe faeces and possibly worse, and I can't avoid it by sitting any further back, lest my shit just end up on the back of the seat.

Here's an idea: ban those 'whole ring' toilet seats and replace them with those 'u' shaped ones, with that little bit missing at the front. Who the hell is gonna miss that little bit of plastic there anyway? Think about it, you're saving approximately 5-10% of a toilet seat each time, thus being ecologically and economically friendly! Genius! Get it sorted world.