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Showing posts with label Elvis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Elvis. Show all posts

Friday, 29 March 2013

I've Outdone Myself... Again

I was going to start this post by saying "I don't mean to toot my own horn but..." and then I thought, no, it's right to toot my horn. Anyone who knows me understands I'm humble enough anyway, but I can't deny a massive talent if it's this obvious can I? Quite frankly, I'm a very funny guy. You all know it. I can't help it, it's just this gift I have. Well anyway, I've got a new joke for you folks (don't mention it, please, I'm just doing it out of the goodness of my heart, no need to thank me).

***

Imagine the scene: it is 1970 and Sally's in the International Hotel, Las Vegas, and Elvis is on stage. He's wearing a sexy white catsuit and prowling the stage (the clothing isn't important to the joke to be fair). Sally had just had a chicken dinner (that bit's important), it was delicious. Elvis sings 'Patch It Up' and then goes offstage.

A little later, who arrives at Sally's table but The King himself:

Elvis: So, baby, whaddidyou thinka mah show?

Sally: It was good, but why were you singing about cacciatore?

***
I'll just wait for the laughter to die down... Are you done? Ooh no, there's another little pocket starting up... You done? Yep.
Right, obviously it was hilarious, and you don't need me to explain the joke, but obviously because I'm such an artist I find it a valuable part of my process to explore the genius of it all. Obviously the crux of the humour lies in the phonetic similarity of 'patch it up' and 'cacciatore'. It seems simple, but obviously I've made it very effective. Additional layers have been added with the tongue-in-cheek Elvis dialogue and, as you'd expect with one of my witty smorgasbords, the brilliant image presented.
Anyway, the exertion I have gone through to produce this has left me quite tired, so I'm going to leave it there. Try not to praise me too much in the comments, remember that being this funny is just natural for me and, in a sense, it's unfair to congratulate me for it.
Peace out!

Thursday, 11 March 2010

Strike One


No my title has nothing to do with drinking Stella Artois, don't worry! I remembered that I forgot to mention something in me last blog. Elvis had a similar problem, he forgot to remember to forget her, and now he just can't get her out of his mind... No, seriously, twas C's birthday on the night of me last blog, twas her 21st. She's the 'Student Advisor/Advocate' in my halls, and she's lovely so many happy returns to her. Now there's plenty more to talk about!

I'll get the football stuff outta tha way foist, coz not a lotta people enjoy it as much as I do lol! We were playing Lille away and effing lost 1-0... We were better than when we played Wigan, pass completion was better and we had a few good chances and one pretty damn positive piece of pressure. To no avail. No goal for us, and theirs was, as most of them have been, from a bloomin' set piece... Free kick into the box, Reina apparently couldn't quite see what was going on and bang, bottom corner :-( Was with one Liverpool supporting friend of mine and one Arsenal supporting friend of mine, guess who was most vocal... He also joined a pretty long line of people who, upon the mention of me playing badminton, tell me that they used to play, haven't in ages and wanna come down to training. So far, one out of 7 or 8 people have actually shown up!

Had a good mate of mine come round last night. We started talking about coursework while having beers before going out and it turned out that I had been working on the wrong piece of coursework that was in for the next day. Yup, a whole essay I hadn't even started in for the next day (which was populated with a seminar too) and I'd already had a few tins. Solution? Go out, get pretty drunk, get up the next day at 1000hrs and try not to vomit over your laptop as you crack the whip. An' I'll tell you, I did much more than the bare minimum and produced a work I'd have been pretty proud of under sober circumstances. Submitted that, got to the lecture on time (which answered some questions I was unsure of) and felt better!

Got my fedora hat too. Problem is: tis too big... Still, they say they're all about customer satisfaction, so I'll be able to exchange it for a smaller one that will still be as sexy. Looking forward to it possibly more than before now! Not a shred of disappointment at the apparent inconvenience coz life is good! I've been wondering if my particularly good moods of late have more to do with my regular exercise or the fact that I'm back on The Sopranos. It would be ironic if the latter cheered me up to be honest, it's not exactly a comedy! That's not to say it doesn't have humour in (mostly very dark admittedly...). If you get the chance to see it, DO!!! Don't have the completely unfounded stereotype in your head that it's all about mob violence. It's actually more of a family drama. It's so well written that it's untrue! It's obviously very considered. Its creator had studied psychology originally, so the protagonist's psychiatrist is true to life. She acts as a 'Greek chorus' type figure (look that one up yourselves), which shows how cerebral the show actually is in between a few brutal hits.
Like my favourite one where Vito Spatafore gets his... Oh no I probably can't say that on here (the Feds probably have this blog wired for sound...).

A shout out to some old lags; hi to Greg, Arran, Mark, Will, Jim, James, Tom and Tim (I'd go on but I can't be arsed), their respective partners and their family. Ciao!

[Pictured: My suspicious package or, as some crazy people might call it, a 'hat in a box']

Monday, 1 March 2010

Stuffed Pasta and Gravy


You know, when watching The Sopranos one time, I heard Paulie talk about having some gravy with his pasta. Now I know in that sense, gravy is tomato sauce, not like British gravy. Nevertheless, I tried stuffed pasta with 'proper' gravy, and it's reet nice! I put mayonnaise in today, too, coz I think gravy and mayo is kewl, but obviously that's a bridge too far for some. EXPAND YOUR MINDS DUDES! I wouldv'e put a picture up, but I ate it too quick...
Saw Smoking Aces today, bit disappointed due to having huge expectations of the cast (Ray Liotta chief among them). It's not the most cerebral film ever (though it aspired to be more so than your common or garden action film), but the weird twists and turns about who was really who, and why people wanted what doing was hard to get my head around really. Doesn't help that I'm not the most intelligent person out there, but hey! Someone's gotta be bottom of the pile...
Found out a lovely lass from my course has her own blog on blogspot.com, you can check that out at http://dollypegandtheuntruths.blogspot.com/
Well, I'm listening to Elvis again and I'm gonna do some mo' work! See ya!