Basho's Balls

I have received loads of great feedback on my extremely witty jokes throughout this blog. In fact, the reason why I'm not posting every day isn't because of a lack of creativity or having better things to do, it's because I have to spend so much time each day replying to my fans' mail (some of it still comes through the post don't you know?). Anyway, enough of my trials and tribulations as a comedy genius, on with the show! I submit to you another brilliant joke, please enjoy:

It was the 257th derby match between Japanese Literary Figures Athletic and Legendary Vertically-Challenged Folk Albion, and everyone was expecting a real ding-dong battle between the two sides. After only half an hour, defender Basho had already clashed with forward Verne Troyer a few times and had a couple of warnings from the referee (Martin Atkinson, let's say, just to set the scene a bit better).

   All of a sudden, Charlie Stratton of the Legendary Vertically-Challenged Folk Albion broke forward on the left flank and fired a fantastic cross into the box for Troyer. Basho had no choice but to rush in and make an overhead clearance.

   Then the ref blew his whistle and flashed a yellow card at Basho. He was clearly livid, and shouted at Martin, "Why the hell did you show me a card? Was it because I pulled his shirt?"
   "No," he replied, "It was for your haibun."

Haha, geddit? 'Cause 'haibun' sounds like 'high boot'! Haha nah, I'm sure you didn't actually need me to explain that really... Phewf, I think you'll agree that I've surpassed myself yet again with that corker. See you again in a few months when I've dealt with more of my mail!

Clinical

Wow it's been another long period since my last blog. Blame beer, blame football, blame work, blame friends and maybe even blame it on the boogie, but don't blame me. Yeah quite a bit has happened: a very good badminton sesh, a very bad badminton sesh, I went to Anfield (effing amazing! All the celebrities in glorious tru-life HD, a win and the only goal of the game scored at the Kop end where I was chanting meself hoarse. Great stuff), had a real struggle with a 2000 word essay on the gothic novel, watched No Country for Old Men (another great effort by the Coen brothers in which a psychopathc killer is given a very chilling portrayal) and, most recently, I saw Liverpool beat Unirea Urziceni again - on their turf this time - 3-1. Pretty decent match and the first time we've scored more than twice since 30 games ago when playing Hull. Masch put in a Steven Gerrard-ian effort from outside the box to pull us level, then Babel put in some inspired control-and-poke movements near the goal line before the skipper himself showed his usual flair with a shot so powerful that the keeper just wasn't enough to stop it.
Oh yeah I've gotten a little obsessed by Morrissey's 'I'm Throwing my Arms Around Paris' of late. Harry Hill sang it in one of his TV Burp episodes (which I'm a massive fan of) so I searched for it on google and found out that it's actually sung by one of the most genius singers ever.
Something is compelling to talk about the word 'disparity.' I mean, what a word! Disparity... Say it... It means, like, the difference between something. For example, one might say, "The disparity between Liverpool's skills and anyone else's is massive." This kinda word blog thing aint nothing new. Recently been watching 'HotForWords,' a fun youtube sensation where a hot Russian lass defines words for ya. Sex sells, so why not use it for the benefit of mankind in the educational department? Check it out at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fv2_rSCnBQQ
Todays pics are of a coin that was sneakily given to me instead of £2 at a bar recently, and of Anfield (even though it's frowned upon, I took a picture of it, that's just the way I am). Crafty buggers! Peace out