Edge Hill University Short Story Prize

Wow. What a night. There really isn't anything I could say that would be any better than what folks have said already, so please check out these lovely links:

Carys Bray's blog: http://postnatalconfession.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/the-2012-edge-hill-prize-ceremony.html?showComment=1341859679851

The Edge Hill account of the night: http://www.edgehill.ac.uk/news/2012/07/sarah-hall-named-this-year-s-edge-hill-university-short-story-prize-winner?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+edgehill%2Fnews+%28Edge+Hill+University+News%29

And, last but not least, Ailsa Cox giving a very important explanation of what the award actually stands for: http://blog.saltpublishing.com/2012/07/03/ailsa-cox-talks-about-the-edge-hill-prize/

Brilliant! Peace out.

Basho's Balls

I have received loads of great feedback on my extremely witty jokes throughout this blog. In fact, the reason why I'm not posting every day isn't because of a lack of creativity or having better things to do, it's because I have to spend so much time each day replying to my fans' mail (some of it still comes through the post don't you know?). Anyway, enough of my trials and tribulations as a comedy genius, on with the show! I submit to you another brilliant joke, please enjoy:

It was the 257th derby match between Japanese Literary Figures Athletic and Legendary Vertically-Challenged Folk Albion, and everyone was expecting a real ding-dong battle between the two sides. After only half an hour, defender Basho had already clashed with forward Verne Troyer a few times and had a couple of warnings from the referee (Martin Atkinson, let's say, just to set the scene a bit better).

   All of a sudden, Charlie Stratton of the Legendary Vertically-Challenged Folk Albion broke forward on the left flank and fired a fantastic cross into the box for Troyer. Basho had no choice but to rush in and make an overhead clearance.

   Then the ref blew his whistle and flashed a yellow card at Basho. He was clearly livid, and shouted at Martin, "Why the hell did you show me a card? Was it because I pulled his shirt?"
   "No," he replied, "It was for your haibun."

Haha, geddit? 'Cause 'haibun' sounds like 'high boot'! Haha nah, I'm sure you didn't actually need me to explain that really... Phewf, I think you'll agree that I've surpassed myself yet again with that corker. See you again in a few months when I've dealt with more of my mail!

Morecamber and Wiser

So today I'm going to review the new 'Morecamber and Wiser' show, the freeview channel Zeitgit's flagship offering. In case you couldn't tell by the ever-so-witty title, this is an updated version of the classic 'Morecambe and Wise' sketch show from a bygone era. Think of the contemporary 'Sherlock' (BBC) or 'Henry 8.0' (BBC). They both did good jobs of capturing old ideas and breathing an uplifting vivacity into them. 'Morecamber and Wiser' is quite different...

I'm not going to go into a big ol' rant here, suffice to say that the opening joke sees Morecamber trying to get onto Wiser's laptop. When he puts in the wrong password, he is greeted with the 'Wrong password' message (familiar to those of you, like me, who are curious about what other people store on their laptops, pen drives, email accounts etc), to which he retorts, "It was the right password, just not necessarily on the right laptop."

Need I say more?

The Best

I was on my way out of Morrisons today, and by the exit there was a guy trying to sell double glazed, self cleaning windows. You know the type.

Fenetre Vendor: 'Scuse me sir, would you be interested in our new range of self-cleaning windows?

Me: No, sorry, I'm not in control of my windows.

Fenetre Vendor: Oh you mean to say, more accurately, that you are renting a property and decisions of this nature pertaining to the place's upkeep fall under the jurisdiction of the landlord or landlady?

Me: No, I mean my windows are wild. They are literally out of control. Good day to you...

Rose Theeeeeeeeeeatre!

'T'was another groovy night at The Rose Theatre at Edge Hill again tonight. Y'know, these readings and events are open to the public, not just students! Why not look at the website (http://www.edgehill.ac.uk/rosetheatre) to find out what you want to see, then come on down!

Tonight (if you weren't there), you missed some of Edge Hill's finest talents - past and present - such as: Rob Sheppard, Patricia Farrell, Andrew Taylor and more. That was only the first half! Second half we were treated to Canadian poet Peter Jaeger's poems - a goodly helping from his book Rapid Eye Movement (Reality Street, 2009) which I thought was very moreish indeed.

Won't bore you with details, check out these sites!

http://www.andrewtaylorpoetry.com/ (Andy Taylor's page - pretty self-explanatory)
http://www.erbacce-press.com/ (Erbacce Press, what a lot of today's readers be involved in)
http://www.realitystreet.co.uk/peter-jaeger.php (Can't find a personal page for the man :S)
http://robertsheppard.blogspot.com/ (His blog 'Pages' is the place to be!)

Visiting Writer, Edge Hill University

What a friggin' brilliant day at uni today! In poetry class we were treated to a visit by Cliff Yates, poet, writer, teacher and bloody nice bloke (excuse my language)! This isn't the first exposure I've had to the bundle of creative energy that is Cliff, I saw him read not so long back in the Rose Theatre on Edge Hill's campus. I'm not sure exactly what it is I like about his work... Oh, who am I kidding, of course I do! The surreality of many of the pieces, a kind of innocence therein and the lyricality are all things I love in writing of any type, but as a poet his bringing together of voices (see 'Hotel De L'Angleterre'), really evocative images (unfortunately I can't remember the name of the poem he read out that typified this so well!) and well-balanced narrative (see 'Tonight In Kidderminster') really are second to none.

His own story is also very inspiring. Perhaps I shouldn't relay it here, I don't want to get details wrong and fall foul of another libel suit... But yeah, he really has the hunger, the wit, the energy and the personality that makes an excellent person as well as a poet, and I hope he enjoys even more success! Let's just say, whenever I go to readings and books are on sale, I'm either too broke or too stingy (not quite the same thing) to get any of the books. When Cliff came to Edge Hill, I bought Frank Freeman's Dancing School (Salt, 2009), thoroughly enjoyed it and even used some of it in a collage poem I did for coursework (my efforts were terrible though!).

Check out his blog at http://cliffyates.wordpress.com/ (where you can find out more about the man, his mission and his work), go to any of his readings if you get the chance and definitely buy some of his collections. I couldn't have summed it all up better than Ian McMillan:

“Cliff Yates is one of my favourite poets, writing in an idiom I’d like to call ‘Skelmersdale Mystic/Domestic’ if he was in a band that band would produce hit singles that would linger in your head for years and if he was a greengrocer his vegetables would always be startling shapes. There’s childhood here, and love, and a way of seeing the world with the wrappers off that is, ultimately, Yatesian”

Masters

I would absolutely LOVE to work with the Coen Brothers. Of course, I could never usurp them with regards to writing/directing talent, but even to star in one of their films would be a dream come true. To rephrase: to be an extra in one of their films would be a dream come true. Heck, to serve them coffee/to ask them how they're doing about their day/to simply be in any kind of proximity (and maybe push one of my scripts on them) would be awesome.

I love many things about the Coen Brothers. It will sound so very stupid, but I love their writing and directing... Yes, I said it was a 'stupid' point... But really, I love their dedication to actors. Holly Hunter, John Goodman, Steve Buscemi, John Turturro, Frances McDormand, Jeff Bridges and many others... It just makes me think that these guys are god-like, and they cannot do wrong in bestowing any kind of faith in folk (acting or otherwise)...

If you're out there, Joel and Ethan (and don't get me wrong, I'll ask for a certain degree of ID before I believe that you've chosen to grace me with your presence), I am your servant!

Peace out,

M