Friday, 31 December 2010

Last Post of the Year!!!


But it's not that special is it? I was quite surprised yesterday to find that a very good friend of mine, who is a very bright, energetic and overtly light-hearted chap, is actually sick of certain 'celebrations' in life as I am too. Was a bit like seeing Santa shave off his jolly white beard, but there you go. He said he couldn't be bothered with going out and celebrating New Year's [bloody] Eve because it's just another year, nothing special about that is there? I agree. Without getting too deep into it, just because we follow some kooky system of counting days (I believe humans call it a calendar) we are expected to funnel loads of natural joy and wonderment into certain 'days'. One of them is New Year. Hooray for another 365.25 days of probable doom, death and destruction! And bad telly, now I think of it...

Birthdays are another one. Why should people celebrate birthdays? What did you do on your birthday? Bugger all, you were born, you didn't actually do anything that should be rewarded. If anything, your parent/s should be the ones getting acclaim, but that pre-supposes that you're happy with your life. Life's supposed to be a gift from God, hence why I sometimes want to ask if he kept the receipt, but that's another matter...

Valentine's Day. Bollocks... That's something else that's gonna be coming up quickly involving loss of money and failed attempts at sharing 'emotions' and shit... Surely if you love someone, you should tell them as often as you can, not just once a year when it's somehow 'more special'. And this is coming from someone who is actually in a relationship so nyear to all those writing me off as a loner! Dunno how long it'll stay that way, mind you, I am rather infuriatingly cynical...

The conclusion here can only go one of two ways; either we should celebrate nothing, or we should free our mind from meaningless constraints such as calendars and enjoy life free from a schedule. Don't live life like you're looking in a TV guide; 'Oh it says here that there's gonna be some happiness next month, on the 19th at 8 o' clock.' I suppose you could say 'be spontaneous' or 'live in the moment' if you want to...

Monday, 27 December 2010

Friday, 24 December 2010

The Name's Chisum, John Chisum

Ah, Christmas day on the ranch. Is there anythin' sweeter? My little niece came down from Roswell County with her husband Billy an' me an' him spent the mornin' lookin' out across my ranch while the women folk made the rattle and clatter in the kitchen. Nowhere more beautiful on God's green earth. The company's fine, the cigars are tastin' swell and there ain't a care in the world for now. The herd's meanderin', drinkin' from the purest river for miles around. Even the dusty winds that sometimes roll in from the north can't spoil their drinkin' or our watchin'. I remember White Buffalo told me that the comanches call it the lonely wind, but I sure don't feel lonely today.

Christmas dinner's the same every year, no nasty shocks or surprises there. The best food's put on our table, we give our heartfelt thanks to God and chow down. Everyone's happy just being together talkin' about the time I did this, the time they did that and that guy from Whatever County they once knew once done. No-one really understands my stories, all being cattle drivers' tales as they are. Surrounded by the new generation, it sure makes a man feel old and outta place. But then, everything around here's old enough. Even discountin' yours truly, the ranch here, the town, the sun and the sand around us, all older'n' Methuselah himself, an' there's some things you can't change.

I can hear the 'noon stage come a-rollin' in to Lincoln County from way off, chuggin' its way into the station. Brett Harmond - the manager of the local general store - is there a-waitin' on the platform, so it seems there may be a new delivery of somethin'. Must be fancy, he's been waitin' on it from 'noon til four... Don't know what it could be...

Wednesday, 22 December 2010

Have Fun at the Circus

Christmas. Just the three days away now. Christmas spirits at an all time high everyone? Good... GOOD! I can't believe in my last post *war memorial reference* I complained about no-one reading my blog and three wonderful persons commented straightaway! Thanks folks, you make life worth living. You'll change your mind in a sec, though, 'cause I'm gonna tell somethin' that AIN'T makin' life worth livin': Christmas.

I've felt for such a long time that I'm an old man trapped in a young man's, wait, trapped in my body and Christmas just makes me feel worse. I'm not even gunna bother going in to what's wrong with it 'cause it's all just cliches. Christmas is a cliche machine, a bit like a sausage mincer. Cliches and pre-made, recycled 'festive' tripe is continually poured into the mincer and our oesophagus is the sausage skin. It goes down our throats whether we like it or not and you can't get away from it without doing a Jeremiah Johnson. I'm not gunna bother elaborating because, if the same ol' tripe goes in, the same ol' crap comes out. I'll be an ugly, smelling, boring walking cliche if I went into the 'ins and outs'.

Stuck between a rock and a bloody cliched place when you're a sad, grumpy and bitter guy like I...

Merry Christmas.

Wednesday, 15 December 2010



I've been having my usual doubts about this blog, how interesting it is, whether it's entertaining, whether it enhances peoples lives and, lastly, whether anyone actually reads the bloody thing (which I can pretty much say 'no' to). But anyways, during a talk by Suzanne Bell of the Liverpool Everyman theatre at uni, she happened to repeat the idea that you must only write about things that mean something to you, i.e. things you are passionate about. So now I'm thinking, 'hell yeah, I'm gonna write for me. I ain't gonna get myself bent out of shape at the cost of writing about the serious stuff in my head and heart.'

Toilet seats are getting on my nerves more and more these days. Now I ain't saying I have a huge penis (I genuinely don't, according to certain people, it's average), but it keeps touching/'rubbing against' the front of the toilet seat when I go for number twos. My poor spam javelin has to bathe in untold amounts of other people's germs, urine, maybe faeces and possibly worse, and I can't avoid it by sitting any further back, lest my shit just end up on the back of the seat.

Here's an idea: ban those 'whole ring' toilet seats and replace them with those 'u' shaped ones, with that little bit missing at the front. Who the hell is gonna miss that little bit of plastic there anyway? Think about it, you're saving approximately 5-10% of a toilet seat each time, thus being ecologically and economically friendly! Genius! Get it sorted world.

Sunday, 12 December 2010

Bad Times

Liverpool lost again yesterday. To Newcastle... 3-1. Bad times... I'm not gonna elaborate on that, that's all there is to say, it's in the past and we'll play much better next time...

Had an early Christmas with the housemates yesterday though, which was awesome. Plenty of food, drink and good company. Some of the simplest ingredients of a happy life.

One ingredient for an unhappy life is assignments. Trying to get through a 15-minute stage play currently and I'm about 2/3 of the way through... I'm not finding it easy...

Still, when you walk through a storm, you must hold your head up high and not be afraid of the dark. At the end of the storm is a golden sky and the sweet silver song of a lark (so it's well worth getting through the storm, believe me). Walk on through the wind, walk on through the rain even if your dreams are being tossed and blown.

Yeah anyways, enough of nicking song lyrics... This assignment ain't gonna do itself!

Saturday, 11 December 2010

Blank (Completely?)

An interesting metaphor (not really)/thought for those of you reading this, sat down on a nice chair not worried about anything. Well, everything around you's fine pretty much?

Maybe I'd say the same.

But the very chair I'm sitting on right now, that very same object that is holding me (my personality and being in a body) has a 'gammy' leg. Yeah it's been like that for a while because apparently students are still being f***ed in the ass by those in any kind of power.

But yeah, all that's fine around me is predicated on the very threat of myself falling over... You'll have to fill in the blanks here...

Nothing's safe [the times they are a changing]

See ya x