Saturday, 29 January 2011


In order to succeed at life, it's not a bad idea to put in a little effort. To succeed at a blog, it is also nice to put in some effort. That doesn't mean that a blog is life, though they are similar in some ways. They are similar in the sense that they can both be tough. Life is tough because of money worries, drought, famine, pestilence etc etc. Blogs are tough because sometimes you can't think what to write.

I was wondering what to write a moment ago. A few ideas flitted briefly around my otherwise-empty head and then ceased to flit. One of these ideas was a shout-out to Jess, whose birthday it is on Monday, or Arran, whose birthday it is on Sunday. Another idea was something in my writer's journal. Oh yes, the journal! Why don't I check the journal for inspiration?

Because the journal is in my jeans which are on the floor away from the bed I lie on. Going over to them would be too much effort.

Granted it ain't the kind of effort that Prometheus made when trying to steal fire from Zeus. Granted it ain't the level of graft that Martin Luther King Jr. made in trying to advance the Civil Rights Movement. Also, it's not the hard labour of an extremely fat person trying to walk to the fridge. However, it is too much effort for I.


Sunday, 23 January 2011

I Smell

And I ain't just talking about 'ha ha' smelly.

Praise Jesus for Jess, who always shows how to be awesome.

Aww, she's so lovely :-)


Tuesday, 18 January 2011

Over 1,000 Page Views!

Yay! A Milestone!!! Just as I was keeping an eye out for my century blog, I reach the 1,000th page view. Thanks to everyone who's looking, thanks to those who're reading and thanks to those who're following, you're all groovy!

Just remember, life is a funeral. It's a funeral of time. Time passes away constantly, it is always dying, it is always dead it is always death.

Diahorreah is spelled 'diarrhoea.'


Monday, 17 January 2011


Though twas actually yesterday, this is the opportunity to say well done to the lads of Liverpool Football Club. They've been having some pretty damn poor luck lately which has cost us points (out of our last three games, we had one loss which should have been a draw and one draw that should have been a win) and, admittedly, haven't exactly been at the apex of their abilities on the pitch. Referees giving goal chances that should never have been and penalising our lads while leaving the other team to cripple and maim freely is a little frustrating (me girlfriend has had to deal with all the bad moods, believe me!).

Come the derby. The Merseyside Derby. The Reds and the Blues together, duking it out. There was a slight hint of controversy surrounding one of Everton's goals that added to the 2-2 final score, but you know what? It didn't bother me. Every single one of our men putting in a good shift was awesome to see. Raul Meireles, a player of outstanding midfield quality who I've loved since his signing this season, netted his first on arguably the most important match of the season. Torres on fire again (I'll also take this opportunity to say screw you to all the Jamie Redknapps who got on Torres' back as soon as he failed to score every game. Bad body language? Grow up and get something relevant to talk about...), having a couple of decent efforts nearly making it 4-2. Jay Spearing getting some very positive exposure and only making a minor, non-influential mistake. They were all great. Well done lads, possibly the best match all season. Great football, and all the evidence anyone needs to conclude that we are still one of the best teams in the game, with or without Gerrard or Carragher.

Of course, well done to Everton too. Their sting lay mostly in the set piece, but it took two to tango and produce such an entertaining game.

Peace out.

Tempus Fugit

Time really pisses me off sometimes. What the hell is it anyway? Who exactly does it think it is? How dare you arbitrarily dictate to me some random scheme of measuring my life! I don't go around strapping rulers to my fingers and haunting everyone with thoughts of impending doom. Take away your hands, your numbers and your quartz oscillators! I want to be free of them!

Here's the time. Here's how much time just disappeared. Here's how long you've got left til your expiration. Seriously! We don't need it! Bugger off! Bah!

[Publication correct at the time of writing]

Tuesday, 11 January 2011

Oh, January...

What is it all about? 'Life, the universe and everything'...

Sometimes I feel guilty about masturbating, using a condom or both (it's called a 'posh wank' when you join the two, those of you who like Roger's Profanisaurus or 'Urban Dictionary' for you younger readers) because I might be screwing with a potential life.

Urgh I'm being so self-centred and boring again, talking about me. What else is on? Seems there's not much... There's a documentary on how to successfully cheat and win at sports on the Man United channel. I'd watch that but Howard Webb just sent it off air. There's that western channel. Wild Wild West is on, which is a good fun romp with genuine classic western credentials despite being blockbuster-y. The Desperate Trail is on after that, that's a decent film but I was a little confused as to some of the character's morality, with the marshal offering a genuine dose of sympathy which tainted his bad guy image, and the heroine being a little too at ease with killing, especially when shooting peeps in the back.

Both decent offerings, but none compare to Jeremiah Johnson. One man, disgusted with civilization. What does he do? Cry about it? Not likely! He only bloody goes and turns his back on it doesn't he? Sure he nearly kills himself trying to live alone in nature, sure he learns the hard way, suffers more hardships than he bargained for etc, but god-damnit, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do!

Ok, a blog that was gonna be about existentialism has turned into one almost purely about westerns... That's life for ya...

Saturday, 8 January 2011

I Just Crapped Out My Consciousness

Sorry to be so scatological blog fans, but I felt today like I had defecated my consciousness. That is to say, I felt strangely unconscious while on the toilet and the only reasonable conclusion has been drawn thus.

Maybe my sanity has been excreted too...

I have spent a good few minutes now pretending to be a didgeridoo. Well, I didn't exactly go all stiff, wooden and cylindrical (no filth, please), but I was making the noises. It was liberating to say the least.

Then I decided I hate everything.

Now I just feel like I'm walking in a dream again...

Sorry to make such a 'me' heavy blog, I just... I... I don't know... I just thought something. Meh...

Common Sense and I Are Not the Best of Friends