Wednesday, 28 April 2010

Ask Not

Whether you would go out with your country - ask whether your country would go out with you.

Give clowns, and ginger-haired people, a chance, alright?

Cp. 'Core 'Ngrato' by Dominic Chianese!

Did You Know?

My blog layout (the colourful circle arrangementy type thingy-ma-bob) is a lot like my bed covers at home?

And, while writing that, I've noticed it's similar to my bed covers at uni too? OMG that's blogtastic right?

Pictured are the bedclothes, home first then uni. Es muy fascinante!

Tea is so Sexy

It makes my mind erect
Body Stiffens and I
Feel pretty Alive

See some tits
Or some such stimulus
Heart is beating
Beating blood
Goes down there
Penis is erect

Drinking tea
Oh my lord!
My self is erect.
I can do
Anything now,
With tea in me.

Monday, 26 April 2010

Broken Bleedin' Record

Well hey there, how are you guys and gals?

It's that Carnage event again tonight, you know, the one where everyone gets legless! I know fun right? Maybe not. Tis only 2145hrs and people are shouting, slurring and incessantly repeating crap.

"Who's havin' a weee?" is in at number 3.

At number 2, up from last week, it's "Mark? Mark? MARK?"

And at number 1, THE most repeated phrase tonight... Yes it's that well known song that we all love "Mum, I'm in trouble again."

Being performed right now outside a window near you is "Don't Stop Believing." Don't matter if it's the Journey or the Glee version COZ WE'VE HEARD IT WAY TOO MUCH IN THE PAST FEW MONTHS!

The song in my head at the mo is the Looney Tunes theme tune... Maybe some mental hospital sirens in the background...

Yeah I Was Just Thinking

I was told today by a friend that men don't like to talk about their feelings. Part of me is thinking now 'DUH!!!' Of course I should know that. It's practically a scientific fact.


All through my life I've had a certain amount of sensitivity. I've always craved a mate (not necessarily a guy, I guess) with the emotional intelligence to listen and speak with respect to feelings and problems etc. It's been a problem in my life: not finding that. I thought uni might make things easier. Seems that should've been another 'DUH!!!'

Don't matter your age, don't matter your intelligence; some people are still as backward as the caveman...

Sunday, 25 April 2010

Good Question Actually

Had me badminton today. Went in feeling pretty bad but had a great time and some good shots. Int bar afterwards I may have relieved a little pressure concerning subject A (look at 'A Rather Large Aversion').

Liverpool beat Burnley 4-0. Doesn't give me any pleasure that they're relegated now, but it's fantastic for us. Stevie G netted the first two (the bloody hero that he is), Maxi Rodriguez got his first and Babel put insult to injury in injury time (see what I tried to do there?). 4th place here we come (maybe...)!

Been checking out the BBC iPlayer, an episode of 'Have I Got News for You' and a couple of Russel Howard's 'Good News.' Nice to have a good laugh, I think we can all forget about what that feels like sometimes.

The song in moi 'ead is 'Tempted by the Fruit of Another' by Squeeze and I leave you with the news that I just drank a hair that was in my coffee, or should that be ate a hair that got in my mouth while I sipped that sweet nectar? First one's snappier but incorrect... Well I put a picture up anyways, but you can't see the hair coz it's in my mouth now. Won't take a pic of my tongue... You may be eating or something...

I Wonder

What did the last dodo feel like before it died?

Friday, 23 April 2010


Well Liverpool lost 1-0 to Atletico Madrid today, had some good spells but they got the shoddy goal that decided the game. We ain't out yet, though, so watch this space.

Yeah, I actually got offered my first 'proper' job yesterday (i.e. official and paid) and I'm pretty damn excited. It's going to be good to be proud, occupied and recompensed. Great stuff.

Marks are pretty good atm, friends seem good (big shout out to Jess by the way, she's lovely and doesn't deserve any bad fortune), getting work done blah blah.

Hope you're fantastic.

Monday, 19 April 2010


I was supposed to go to a sports awards dinner tonight. I'd paid £16 for the ticket, the transport was included, there was a buffet (and let us not forget I'm a hungry hungry student!) and entry into a nightclub afterwards. I didn't go. Decided at the last minute I couldn't be bothered. It's at least not like me to waste money, but hey. There are a few reasons but what's the point in telling you them? The brute fact is that I didn't go.

I got photos of the badminton team back today. We had team photos taken a while back, you know the ones where you stand in regimented rows with the best height symmetry available and hands nestled firmly in the lap. Bloody hilarious. I was beaming like an idiot on the 'serious one.' We also had a panoramic pic where players did a badminton movement (I chose a smash) and got digitally captured in mid swing or whatever. Some of the facial expressions there... Madonn'! I got so giddy that I started singing 'I See You Baby' (A Fat Boy Slim song) out the window at a mate of mine. He was so speechless that my giddiness increased exponentially.

Liverpool won tonight. 3-0 at Anfield against West Ham United. Benayoun, Ngog (yep, even bloody Ngog) and then an own goal by their goal keeper (forced by Kyrgiakos) made the scoreline so sublime, three thumbs up!

And I leave you with the news that it is terribly easy to get served alcohol on Spanish beaches. You can't go anywhere without seeing Sand Miguel

Oh and today's song, what be rattlin' around me 'eadspace, be Frederic Chopin's Piano Sonata Op.35 No.2

Sunday, 18 April 2010

A Rather Large Aversion

It has been a while again. Been hard to muster up directed focus what with the glut of social activities presenting themselves most readily throughout the week. Loada pool being played, lotsa drink being imbibed and lotsa shit to chat. The news from the bar is that Amaretto tastes fantastic (a lot like marzipan).

Also in the week, badminton is back in session. Wasn't at me best for the first meeting, but it was encouraging to note that I still have some hand-eye coordination left. The second meeting... The play was fine, but some off-court words I had with someone has left me in doubt as to whether I should continue going there. I'm not going to go into detail, of course, but even if I raised the issue with the person in question or anyone else in the club, I would be the one that was ostracised, because person A (A for Asshole) has been there longer than I have. It was a real stab in the back though, but hey this isn't the time or the place.

On a lighter note, a stint in my halls' common room produced a two-hour workshop on booze related jokes. We started off with the premise of beer puns that had to be cringeworthy and, yeah, we did that for way too long! Here's a taster to finish:

What do you get if you throw a box of cutlery into a tornado?

Tuesday, 13 April 2010

To Dolly Peg!!!

This post is a heartfelt apology and thankyou to Dolly Peg. I've moaned relentlessly to this fantastic lady twice: on a wayward friend and also on my flu.

It seems very facile, maybe the kind of thing one could shrug off as a 'that's what friends are for' endeavour, but I can assure you this isn't quite the case. Normally I keep personal thoughts personal, but Dolly is so selfless and such a good listener that I found myself to be very un-restrained in my discourse.

I know only too well what it means for friends to try and treat you as an equal but then use you as emotional blotting paper (it has happened most of my life, it's just who I am and I wouldn't change trying to help people for the world). I respect Dolly so much so it is a shame that I treat her with such discourtesy, hence why I say thanks to her for listening, but also sorry for taking advantage.

Truly she's a goddess amongst women, and long may she reign!

Sunday, 11 April 2010

And Then

All seems pretty well! At this very moment the sniffles are gone and I can actually breathe through my nose without choking on mucus. Scoooooooooore! Though I don't hold out much hope for tomorrow...

Just watched The Big Lebowski for the second time and it's still hilarious and just generally great. You can look at the Coen brothers' films on so many levels, but this one - apart from being a great and humorous story - shows us the ultimate farcity of human existence. It gives me great joy to watch such a film. It is DELICIOUS. The characters have such chemistry, within each other and with the audience. The plot is clever, but completely secondary to the silly events and witty dialogue. It's such an amazing film, I could give it 10/10 if it weren't for a very British sense of cynicism... It seems sad that watching a film could give me such joy, but remember; life is a farce as well!

No real song in me 'ead at the minute coz I'm listening to iTunes, but why not check out Santana's 'Oye Como Va.' Yeah the title's in Spanish, but don't be put off!


Saturday, 10 April 2010

Short Reprieve

I was feeling a lot better.
Now I have a bad head again and more of a runny nose (I'm churning out gallon after gallon of gunge). The throat is almost ok, so I should be very thankful.

I was gonna put loooads of exclamation marks there, but that would've been childish.
Hope you're free of immense pain!

Yours faithfully,
Martin P
(Moaning Bugger)

Tuesday, 6 April 2010


My head is trying to break free of itself
My nose is dripping quicker than the Indian monsoon
My body aches worse than a marathon runner's calves
I have the fucking flu...

How are you?
And maybe do something for charity... I'm too cowardly...

Sunday, 4 April 2010

Good News

Jesus was risen!

And I'm thinking about writing a lil story about crabs. Yes, those crabs. Then I'll convert it into a film script. Just for the lolz.

Hope you had a lovely Easter Sunday!

Saturday, 3 April 2010


There weren't no Toast on Thursday night. Me mates and I made our way to an altogether more enjoyable place called Hustle. Twas a little disappointed that I got deserted at around 0245hrs int morning. It peeved me off to the end that I jumped into a taxi what had just pulled up beside me and I escaped.

Went to me sister's new place in Bolton yesterday. Tis a lovely place, but involves a lot of low beams. My few precious brain cells have been reduced further by a couple of bonks on the noggin. Saw Shutter Island which is another great film by Martin Scorcese. WHAT A TALENT! Hearing he had a new film out made me buzz like a bee looking at a bathful of honey. I had high expectations and they weren't shattered like a greenhouse would be if you dropped an elephant on it. No I don't think that is relevant is it? Bees and elephants... No wonder I'm still a virgin, it's supposed to be the birds and the bees isn't it? By my understanding; if a bird gets stung by a bee, your girlfriend becomes pregnant. If you use a condom, however, His Holiness The Pope pushes your girlfriend down stairs. Yes I am pretty normal.

Today, Manchester United FELL MISERABLY to Chelsea: 2-1. I dunno if that's good news or not. They are both so far up the table that their results aren't gonna make a difference to Liverpool's standing. I don't like Chelsea due to certain players giving it a bad reputation (Didier Drogba especially for his fouling, diving and foul mouthed rants, but, more recently and comically, John Terry), but no-one really likes United lol. There's a 'theatrical dislike,' as I term it, for United amongst a lot of people and I don't really concur with it.

Liverpool are playing Birmingham tomorrow, let us hope the skies are clear and sunny, but it rains goals.

Thursday, 1 April 2010

Just Got Some Beer

And some cider, but the cider is for James, whose birthday twas on the 30th! God bless he.

Gonna be going out with him and some mates this fine night, though unfortunately we'll probs be heading to Toast, Lancaster's far-from-Premier nightclub... Its floors are stickier than the great tree-trunk tentacles of the Kraken. Its entry prices are steeper than the great galleon-grinding wave caused by the fiercest typhoon. Its clientele smell worse than the most fearsome and ancient Moby Dick (and that's after I cut it up for its blubber. Believe me that's an awful smell...). Its drinks taste fouler than the saltiest sea brine, even when the blood of yer shipmates has rolled across yer deck and mixed with that deep blue ocean. Its toilets... well... there's no comparison other than Davy Jones' Locker itself...

Slight bit of hyperbole there... Sure it's the crew that makes the fun, not the galleys ye frequent. Hopefully.