Sunday, 19 August 2012

Are YOU Sick of YOUR Salads Not Being ITCHY Enough?

Have you had your fill of traditional salads? Salads that, frankly, don't make your body itch when you eat them? Well now your troubles are at an end!

I myself used to eat 'normal' salads, filled with iceberg lettuce, avocado, peppers (capsicums as certain people sometimes call them) and even rocket, which I kind of thought was spinach when I bought it, but no it is quite different. In fact, thinking back, there was a time I put a sun-dried tomato in a salad. That was weird because I've never liked sun-dried tomatoes... Anyway, I digress. What I mean is that most salads are diverse and healthy enough, but is that, well, enough?

I should say it blooming well isn't nearly enough! That's why I, Mr Scratchberger Johnson, have come up with a range of salads for everyday people with extraordinary consequences! My Nicoise will have you tickled all over, my Caesar will have you scratching your very being and my Waldorf, well, that'll just have you performing surgery on yourself to remove your own organs in an attempt to better scratch them with your bloodied fingernails.

ScratchNail FoodEat Industries loves people. It is an industry for the people, by idiots, and we think we know what you want. If you love our It Shii range, why not try our Fuuk wraps and our Sweet Side sandwiches.

Guaranteed experience, guaranteed price. That's the ScratchNail FoodEat way.


  1. martin. i think we need to talk. just lie on this couch here and take a sip of this nice sedating brew ive made....

  2. I hope you haven't laced it with anti-itching serum!


Just keep it clean (ish)!