Plastic Coffee

An expected disappointment

Salmon

ME
HATE
DIE
DEAD
DON'T
WANT

FUCK
SHOVE
STAB
CRACK
CRAP

SKIN
SHAVE
BONE
SNAP
BREAK

MEAT
LUST
LICK
STROKE

SCRATCH
SNATCH
SHAKE

Lolz!

I were just surfin' and found this funny advert. Twas for a site called 'Busty Russians' and they were bragging, "We have Ratio of 3:1 Women to Men."




I sure as hell don't want to look at a site that has busty Russian men on it... Maybe they should have explained that a bit better...

SCIENTISTS FIND HAIR DYE SHORTENS LIFE EXPECTANCY

Earlier today scientists in Oxford revealed the link between using hair dye and living a shorter life. The findings come from a countrywide study into the usage of all hair dyes, surveying men and women over 30. The study clearly shows that the usage of hair dye is certain to affect posture, joints and the respiratory system in a negative way. Crucially, the effect is not caused directly by the cocktail of chemicals involved.

Dr. Nicholas Holt told reporters, "After taking a substantial population for our survey, the results were incredibly clear. It turns out that those with grey hair live much, much longer than those who end up dying theirs.

"We ascertained that our surveyees used services such as buses or trains, then whether their hair had started to lose its natural colour and then whether they decided to go down the route of colouring.

"Staggeringly, 98% of those who grew old naturally lived, on average 15 years longer than those who dyed.

"It is clear that the chemicals are not directly having an impact on the human body, what we are seeing may be less easy to account for. It has been suggested that this is all down to looking old enough to encourage sympathetic passengers to offer up their seat. No sturdy conclusions about causes have been drawn yet, but we hope for a breakthrough soon."

It is expected that the new government advertising campagin warning of the dangers of hair dye will be seen by most of the public by next Tuesday, but Health Secretary Andrew Linsley is already making his point clear on the radio, "Hair dye has been a part of looking great for generations, but this new evidence unequivocally states that we should stop using it at all costs lest we endanger our own lives, and those of our friends and family."

Anyone seeking advice on the issue should call the Hair-dye Hotline on 01665888454.

Pffft...

Well, it sure ain't been the best day for learning. Not really the best week for learning really. Going back to Monday, our tutor got really disheartened and started asking, rather pointedly, 'Are you bored to the back teeth? Is this too easy, too hard?' and then sighing upon no answer. You know, not everyone feels comfortable shouting out answers in a seminar. I don't think not doing so should be seen as a sign of no effort, it's just some people are more comfortable learning in different ways.

That kinda happened today. Granted our 'Writers' Context' module tutor is a little more animated than most, but he was also digging his spurs into a dead horse most of the time. Part of it was what he was doing. He talked about post-modernism (in reference to Samuel Beckett's Waiting for Godot) in a rhetorical/patronising way (which seems to be typical for lecturers unfortunately) and there was no energy to offer. I tried making some contributions, most of which he interrupted, so I stayed silent after that. The main problem was that he started talking about the philosophical aspect of the play, with particular respect to existentialism, but then went on more about the philosophy than the writing. I think deeply a lot, I don't need his 'reading list' to teach me a bunch of crap when I came up with conclusions myself. I find the topic exceedingly personal and don't need some smiling villain to mock me and try to get me to share stuff that he thinks is beyond me.

Pah! Rant over!

This is Not Adieu, but Goodbye

Sorry 'sane people' out there, but here's another football blog.

It is time to say goodbye. It is time to wave sorrowfully and feel a certain sadness, a certain sense of loss and a sense of what could have been. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Torres is leaving Liverpool. That being said, I'd swiftly like to move on to thanking him for his contribution over the years and wish him well for his future. Just make sure you don't do too well at Chelsea ;-)

Hello, though, is next. A warm, firm handshake, a pat on the back and a broad smile to Luis Suarez. He's come over from Dutch team Ajax (that has Classical links, dontcha know!) and is apparently ready for hard work, so I wish him all the best. There's another hello to Andy Carroll, though his is slightly different. He gets a strong handshake, a grip on the shoulder and a stern look into his eyes, just like a brother greeting his precious sister's new boyfriend. The kind of welcome that says, "I want us to get along, but if you don't buck your ideas up with the booze and fighting, we're gonna have problems." No doubt he has talent, though, so let us hope that shines through the brightest in his career.

So, let us hope for the best. As we do in life, we do in football.