Tuesday, 15 February 2011


Earlier today scientists in Oxford revealed the link between using hair dye and living a shorter life. The findings come from a countrywide study into the usage of all hair dyes, surveying men and women over 30. The study clearly shows that the usage of hair dye is certain to affect posture, joints and the respiratory system in a negative way. Crucially, the effect is not caused directly by the cocktail of chemicals involved.

Dr. Nicholas Holt told reporters, "After taking a substantial population for our survey, the results were incredibly clear. It turns out that those with grey hair live much, much longer than those who end up dying theirs.

"We ascertained that our surveyees used services such as buses or trains, then whether their hair had started to lose its natural colour and then whether they decided to go down the route of colouring.

"Staggeringly, 98% of those who grew old naturally lived, on average 15 years longer than those who dyed.

"It is clear that the chemicals are not directly having an impact on the human body, what we are seeing may be less easy to account for. It has been suggested that this is all down to looking old enough to encourage sympathetic passengers to offer up their seat. No sturdy conclusions about causes have been drawn yet, but we hope for a breakthrough soon."

It is expected that the new government advertising campagin warning of the dangers of hair dye will be seen by most of the public by next Tuesday, but Health Secretary Andrew Linsley is already making his point clear on the radio, "Hair dye has been a part of looking great for generations, but this new evidence unequivocally states that we should stop using it at all costs lest we endanger our own lives, and those of our friends and family."

Anyone seeking advice on the issue should call the Hair-dye Hotline on 01665888454.


Just keep it clean (ish)!