Today's just been crap, really. I was emotional this morning because of a song I'd heard on the radio. It got me thinking about mum and other close friends and family that have passed over the years. Then I went out to work, and it wasn't the most fulfilling of days. It was very quiet, due to yet more local roadworks, and I was left alone with my thoughts for a long time. I found myself reverting to my habit [that word again...] of looking at all the beer bottles in the beer room and wondering which I'd like to have after my shift. Of course, that would have been a direct contravention of the my Sober October agreement, so was out of the question.
Mum is my motivation today. Yes, I've had some more generous folk donating to the page, but I needed more today. One of the last times I remember mum saying she was proud of me was when I'd graduated from university. Looking back, I'm actually prouder of her. As the picture shows, she has grey hair. Before chemotherapy made her lose her hair, she used to dye it, but after it grew back, she wanted it natural. The reason I'm saying this is so that you can see that, despite being in the middle of her fight with cancer, she still came out to support me at the graduation ceremony with a brave face. I think she enjoyed it, and she was proud, but as I say I'm proud of her too.
I've already said it, but the idea of not drinking for a month would've made mum raise an eyebrow. She would've asked why on earth I'd want to go and do something like that. But I think she'd've been happy in the knowledge I was doing something healthy [after all, she has seen me in some right states. Singing Elvis in the bathroom before falling asleep on the loo wasn't exactly a high point...], and touched as well, had she known that she was the inspiration behind the endeavour.
Never miss an opportunity to show you care for someone. And if you can lend a helping hand to those that could do with it, like Macmillan who helped her as she reached the end of her life, then it's great to do it.
Peace out.
That's the thing when you miss someone, and are left alone with your thoughts. Grief comes along with a big hammer and bashes you over the head at the strangest times; walking in the supermarket when that certain song comes on, the smell of that perfume she used to wear, seeing someone else suffering and being reminded of our all too human frailties. It's supposed to be like that. You never truly get over the loss of someone, and you're not supposed to. What you can do is become more aware and accepting of your new life without the person.
ReplyDeleteYour mum was a truly inspirational lady. All who were lucky enough to meet her loved her. The way she handled her condition was the bravest and most courageous thing I have ever seen. My proudest moment was standing along side her at a body combat class looking beautiful as always in her bandana, after undergoing not one, but two rounds of chemo. That was the thing though, she just kept on going, her beautiful spirit kept fighting right to the end.
Don't feel sad, rejoice that we were so lucky to have her. I made a promise to mum in her final days that I would keep her memory alive, and that's exactly what I'm doing, and now you are following suit. Take inspiration from mums quiet courage, and know how much she loved you, and how proud she would be of the great efforts you are making. In her own words, "many a mickle makes a muckle" I didn't ever figure out what it meant, but it seems appropriate.
Good luck chuck #keepingyourmemoryalive.
Beautiful sentiment there Sheena. Very true as well, I think.
DeleteYes I hope this whole thing comes across as a celebration, but at the very least it is, as you say, keeping her memory alive.
Cheers m'dear :)