Friday, 14 October 2016

The Days Amble Away Like Tame Sheep Down the Street

"Donating is like art, you know. It requires supreme efforts, and then the audience, y'know, completes the circuit... makes it whole."
Photo take waaay before Sober for October started, dear readers.
The past few months have sped by, but I always suspected that this month would drag. I'm not blaming this phenomenon on lack of beer. It probably has more to do with the fact I'm dissecting everything on this blog :P If einmal ist keinmal, then blogging [perhaps all writing?] is surely everything, having been re-lived and [further] re-formed. Anyway, that's enough of that. What I originally wanted to talk about was the pace of life this October. It seems very slow. Not quite at the interminable point - yet - but worryingly draggy.

I remember how it often used to be. Drink sort of lubricated time. I don't want you to think I'm wishing my life away or anything, but at work, for example, the day used to go quicker after a couple of drinks the night before. Well, in general. Sometimes, if in pain, it could feel even longer, but that's mainly down to how busy you are. There's a chance I'm completely wrong, of course, but I feel it's true.

Without this liquid change of pace, the days feel like squares, rather than irregular chunks stretched this way and that by your perception. I'm sure for most people the squares are a good thing. And I'm not saying I think it's a bad thing for me, I'm just saying it's different. I can tell you that I'd like it a lot more if I had certain of my ducks in certain other rows [apologies for the ambiguity, but I'll leave it in]. I think this frustration I have is at the root of all of this introspection and, occasionally, the urge to crack open a great-tasting, momentarily refreshing beverage and feel its warming proof help release me a little. Ah what the hell am I on about... This amount of sobriety just feels a bit weird, is all.

I realise that some of the allure of alcohol's [perceived] time-bending powers is down to the lack of control I have in life. I don't mean that in a whiny, 'I Me Mine' way. As humans, none of us have that much control, and if we think we do, we're probably deluded. It's best to embrace this, but as a weak person, I still sometimes fall for cheap tricks. I used to think that my choice, and the results, were all factored in and fine, but didn't realise that a) wanting control is always going to lead to suffering [indeed, wanting to avoid the inevitable or change the impossible in general], especially since, as I pointed out before, this 'method' didn't always work for me, b) there are other effects to regular consumption [the risk of cancer, the general time and work it takes to get rid of toxins from the body, the money blah blah] and c) you can be more powerful if you use yourself, rather than a crutch, to get where you want. It's in this spirit that I've actually wondered if I ever might give up booze altogether.

I doubt it. You never know though. All things must pass, after all...

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Just keep it clean (ish)!